“On April 15, 2024, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued a warning that sparked terror among many Duolingo users. Duolingo users without streaks have been attacked by Duo, and the FBI is suggesting that other users without a streak promptly flee the country.” -- Zara Quiter, seventh grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
On April 15th, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued a warning that sparked terror among many Duolingo users. The warning said, “If you are a Duolingo user and you do not have a streak or have not done Duolingo in the past week, we suggest you escape the United States of America while you still can. You are in danger of being attacked by Duo, a large green owl who notably speaks at least 45 different languages, and his minions. Do not trust him, and make sure to do your Duolingo every day. He has kidnapped at least three U.S citizens: you could be next.”
On April 15th, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued a warning that sparked terror among many Duolingo users. The warning said, “If you are a Duolingo user and you do not have a streak or have not done Duolingo in the past week, we suggest you escape the United States of America while you still can. You are in danger of being attacked by Duo, a large green owl who notably speaks at least 45 different languages, and his minions. Do not trust him, and make sure to do your Duolingo every day. He has kidnapped at least three U.S citizens: you could be next.”
This is not an advertisement to entice more people into using Duolingo. Oscar, one of Duo’s closest friends, said, “After spending lots of time with Duo, I am almost positive that Duolingo would never threaten people into signing up or continuing their streak, whether that be as extreme as a warning from the FBI or something like an email.”
However, Petra Capron, an OSA 7th grader learning Irish and Spanish on Duolingo, contradicts Oscar’s claim. “There were just lots of emails and they were saying stuff like, ‘Oh, be careful, I would advise you to do your lessons,’” Capron said. “But then they started getting more intense, and they started feeling more like threats. ‘Do your Duolingo or else.’ The [email] that was sent [to me] where I realized I had to flee was when they sent me a picture of my house.”
The most horrifying attack that has taken place so far was on April 17, two days after the FBI warning. Olivia Smith, a 15 year-old student at Oakland High School, was seen being carried away by a large owl. Her mother, Layla Smith, said, “I knew Olivia wasn’t very responsible with doing her Duolingo everyday. But she’s just a kid! She’s learning Spanish for fun. I really want her to come home… I just miss my daughter so much!”
Where is Smith? And where are the three other victims Duo has taken from their homes?
However, Petra Capron, an OSA 7th grader learning Irish and Spanish on Duolingo, contradicts Oscar’s claim. “There were just lots of emails and they were saying stuff like, ‘Oh, be careful, I would advise you to do your lessons,’” Capron said. “But then they started getting more intense, and they started feeling more like threats. ‘Do your Duolingo or else.’ The [email] that was sent [to me] where I realized I had to flee was when they sent me a picture of my house.”
The most horrifying attack that has taken place so far was on April 17, two days after the FBI warning. Olivia Smith, a 15 year-old student at Oakland High School, was seen being carried away by a large owl. Her mother, Layla Smith, said, “I knew Olivia wasn’t very responsible with doing her Duolingo everyday. But she’s just a kid! She’s learning Spanish for fun. I really want her to come home… I just miss my daughter so much!”
Where is Smith? And where are the three other victims Duo has taken from their homes?
Special Agent at the FBI Liam Quacks said, “We are nowhere near catching Duo. We’re not sure where he is hiding the victims, other than that he is hiding them in America. The best advice I have is to take an extended vacation in a country that primarily speaks the language you're studying. Or, of course, you can do Duolingo for hours a day. Upgrade to Super. Do everything you can to avoid being on Duo’s bad side.”
Duo is not alone in his attacks. He has an unspecified amount of followers, but at least 12 smaller green owls are aiding him. There was a recording of them caught as they were quickly loading a white Toyota van with owl pellets. Lin, a woman works at Duolingo, is also reportedly working with Duo.
Bea, a woman who works at Duolingo and is very close with Lin (she refused to specify whether or not their relationship was romantic or platonic), said, “I haven’t heard from Lin since Duo left. I didn’t think she would ever use violence as a way to motivate people, but I may be wrong. She believes in Duolingo’s mission with a strong passion.”
Duo is not alone in his attacks. He has an unspecified amount of followers, but at least 12 smaller green owls are aiding him. There was a recording of them caught as they were quickly loading a white Toyota van with owl pellets. Lin, a woman works at Duolingo, is also reportedly working with Duo.
Bea, a woman who works at Duolingo and is very close with Lin (she refused to specify whether or not their relationship was romantic or platonic), said, “I haven’t heard from Lin since Duo left. I didn’t think she would ever use violence as a way to motivate people, but I may be wrong. She believes in Duolingo’s mission with a strong passion.”
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An alarming sighting of Duo took place in Oakland, CA. It was Capron who saw him. She explained, “I saw it one time. I think it has cameras everywhere. It was right after it sent me a picture [of my house]. I opened my email and saw it. I’m like, ‘What if they come for me?’ I was rushing through my house, packing things up, and telling my family, ‘We gotta go. We gotta bring the dogs.’ They asked me, where? And I said Italy. Why would Duolingo go to Italy? While I was packing up, I ran out of my house, and I saw it just standing on my porch.” The Caprons are now living in Italy, and their exact location is confidential.
There is a lot of evidence that points to Duo being more than the friendly, education-loving green owl everyone thought he was. Below Duolingo’s videos on Instagram, there appears to be many cries for help, and concerning statements made by Duo. When haileym10, an Instagram user, commented “i lost my streak….” Duolingo replied with, “omw” which stands for “on my way”. Could this mean that whoever “haileym10” is will be attacked next?
Another suspicious comment on Instagram said, “Please let me out of the basement I’m hungry I’ve done my dailies” and Duolingo replied with “i’m lowering snacks, take one”. Is this Instagram user being held hostage in Duo’s basement? Are the rest of the hostages there as well?
When allison23kelley commented on a Duolingo video, “Imagine looking at your ring doorbell and it’s duo staring at you”, she probably didn’t expect to find Duo at her door just a few hours later. Allison Kelley, a 26-year-old who lives in Boulder, CO, hasn’t been seen since Duo responded back to her with “let me in”.
Below that post was a comment that could pose an even greater threat to America, and the whole world. The Minions, a race of yellow creatures with blue overalls who are known for following and aiding the greatest supervillain around, halted suspicions that they were following Russian President Vladimir Putin by commenting on one of Duolingo’s posts with, “we have a shrink ray you can borrow".
There is a lot of evidence that points to Duo being more than the friendly, education-loving green owl everyone thought he was. Below Duolingo’s videos on Instagram, there appears to be many cries for help, and concerning statements made by Duo. When haileym10, an Instagram user, commented “i lost my streak….” Duolingo replied with, “omw” which stands for “on my way”. Could this mean that whoever “haileym10” is will be attacked next?
Another suspicious comment on Instagram said, “Please let me out of the basement I’m hungry I’ve done my dailies” and Duolingo replied with “i’m lowering snacks, take one”. Is this Instagram user being held hostage in Duo’s basement? Are the rest of the hostages there as well?
When allison23kelley commented on a Duolingo video, “Imagine looking at your ring doorbell and it’s duo staring at you”, she probably didn’t expect to find Duo at her door just a few hours later. Allison Kelley, a 26-year-old who lives in Boulder, CO, hasn’t been seen since Duo responded back to her with “let me in”.
Below that post was a comment that could pose an even greater threat to America, and the whole world. The Minions, a race of yellow creatures with blue overalls who are known for following and aiding the greatest supervillain around, halted suspicions that they were following Russian President Vladimir Putin by commenting on one of Duolingo’s posts with, “we have a shrink ray you can borrow".
If Duo has really received a shrink ray from the Minions, this could mean a number of alarming things. Lloyd Austin, the United States’ Secretary of Defense said, “We have long worried that Russia was working with the Minions and would shrink all of North America, or major cities. But now that Duo could have it, the Department of Defense is working double hours. Nothing is more scary than a giant kidnapping owl that has a shrink ray in his possession. Not even Russia. Animated terrorists is a new concept to us, but I am sure that we will never hear the end of it.”
Junior, a young child that works at Duolingo with his father, Eddy (who clarified that this does not violate child labor laws, but gave no real reason), said, “I’ve known Duolingo since I was a baby. The only person I’ve ever seen him get mad at was Lily, because her motivational messages were not motivating enough.”
After being told what Junior said, Lily, a purple-haired young woman who works at Duolingo, said, “My messages are totally motivational. I mean, maybe they are, maybe they aren't."
“I don’t want to get eaten by the Duolingo monster, I’m really scared of him,” OSA 7th grader Coco Abajian, who is learning German on Duolingo, said, “I’ve been doing Duolingo for 73 days and I try to do at least one full lesson. I’m just really scared of the Duolingo monster so I really try to get my XP in.”
This case has revealed that Duo has been keeping secrets, even from his closest friends. After being interviewed by the FBI, Vikram, a man that works at Duolingo, said, “We never realized that Duo was sending these emails to people. It needs to stop!”
After being told what Junior said, Lily, a purple-haired young woman who works at Duolingo, said, “My messages are totally motivational. I mean, maybe they are, maybe they aren't."
“I don’t want to get eaten by the Duolingo monster, I’m really scared of him,” OSA 7th grader Coco Abajian, who is learning German on Duolingo, said, “I’ve been doing Duolingo for 73 days and I try to do at least one full lesson. I’m just really scared of the Duolingo monster so I really try to get my XP in.”
This case has revealed that Duo has been keeping secrets, even from his closest friends. After being interviewed by the FBI, Vikram, a man that works at Duolingo, said, “We never realized that Duo was sending these emails to people. It needs to stop!”
“But, we have seen a 30% increase in lessons each day,” Vikram said. “I’m hoping that when Duo is caught, everyone continues to learn a language. It is really good for you!”
