" Their long hidden secret is about to be revealed: The Lit Arts cult club and all their scandals. " -- Zoe Deetz, 8th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
OSA Literary Arts has many secrets, especially in middle school. Their long hidden secret is about to be revealed: The Lit Arts cult club and all their scandals. The cult members are Calliope Dean, Zoe Deetz, Callista Frederick, and Ruby Deetz. In this article we will be investigating all of their scandals and cult ceremonies.
Their leader
Like any good cult, they have a leader, and her name is Jonette. Jonette Culchester was born in 1716 and was cursed from the start. She was expected to be a boy so her parents wanted to call her Jonathan, but when they discovered she was a girl they changed it to Jonette because they couldn’t be bothered. Her older sister Janet was very annoying and indulged in animal torturing from a young age. Which Jonette from an even younger age, did not agree with. She preferred insects.
In Jonetts' last few years she enjoyed sewing small black dresses for a cult of teddy bears where they indulged in the acts of burning ants. Even though her dreams of running a cult never came true, her loyal followers started one for her, Jonetism. She died by falling off a tall swing in 1724 at the age of eight. She toppled through nettle bushes off of the swing and cracked her head open on a small stone. Where unicorns then stabbed her to death.
The members
Now to introduce the cult members and how Lit Arts views them. Calliope Dean was the first to be called into the light of Jonettism. She brought the group together. Zoe Deetz was the second, after Calliope brought her out of her old toxic cult, she introduced her to Jonette and made her an official member of Jonettism. Callista Frederick otherwise known as Callie, caught onto their cult and when approached by Calliope and Zoe, she agreed to join. Last but not least Ruby Deetz, she joined simply because Zoe was already in the cult and when she heard about the cult, she agreed to join.
Some have differing opinions on the members, Zara Quiter, sixth grade student at Oakland School for the Arts says that her favorite member of the cult is Callie because she can talk to frogs, but states that her least favorite member is “the evil Calliope.”
Quiter also said “One time I was walking through the halls and I saw Calliope and she was flying, it was very strange.” This further proves the theory that all members of the cult have been granted power. Quiter says that her old pair of shoes were split in half by members and they used the power of her shoes for a ceremony. Quiter says that she fears for her safety and she believes that Calliope wishes to sacrifice her to Jonette.
Sacrificial Ceremonies
By now, everyone in Lit Arts is very aware of the cult sacrificial ceremonies. Jonette is a very large force who needs power replenishments, so as of April, cult members have been bringing in animals. Luckily they said after three animals Jonette’s power would be replenished and they would go back to animals. But if anyone wrongs them or their leader, they take things into their own hands and prepare a special ceremony to sacrifice the evil sinner. These ceremonies are usually done during free time in the Lit Arts room whenever there is time.
The members gather round a table with the sacrifice on it and chant a passage in latin that goes like this, “omnes laudabunt Jonette, omnes amare debent omnes Jonette laudabunt, omnes Jonette amabunt, una et unica deitas nostra est, et animas nostras pro ea dabimus.” Translating to: all shall praise Jonette, all shall love Jonette all shall praise Jonette, all shall love Jonette, she is our one and only deity, and we will give our souls for her.
They repeat this chant four times until the life force has successfully been transferred to Jonette.
Anonymous interview with a cult member
Our cult member prefers not to disclose their identity but will happily be interviewed. Anonymous says, “We as a cult do not worship god, we worship Jonette.'' They say that people who criticize the cult are rejecting Jonette herself.
“My favorite practices are when we take dolls and stuff and push them off a swing. We have this one swing that’s really high up so we can push the swing up and then fling them all the way off the edge because it really resembles Jonnette when she fell off her swing.” Anonymous said. They also said that all members can individually communicate with Jonette. “She talks to me all the time about bunnies because we both really like bunnies, and that does not allude to who I am at all,” Anonymous concluded.
As you can see, the cult club is far from disbanding and plans on continuing their practices even next year. I hope you enjoyed this article and may the spirit of Jonette be with you.
OSA Literary Arts has many secrets, especially in middle school. Their long hidden secret is about to be revealed: The Lit Arts cult club and all their scandals. The cult members are Calliope Dean, Zoe Deetz, Callista Frederick, and Ruby Deetz. In this article we will be investigating all of their scandals and cult ceremonies.
Their leader
Like any good cult, they have a leader, and her name is Jonette. Jonette Culchester was born in 1716 and was cursed from the start. She was expected to be a boy so her parents wanted to call her Jonathan, but when they discovered she was a girl they changed it to Jonette because they couldn’t be bothered. Her older sister Janet was very annoying and indulged in animal torturing from a young age. Which Jonette from an even younger age, did not agree with. She preferred insects.
In Jonetts' last few years she enjoyed sewing small black dresses for a cult of teddy bears where they indulged in the acts of burning ants. Even though her dreams of running a cult never came true, her loyal followers started one for her, Jonetism. She died by falling off a tall swing in 1724 at the age of eight. She toppled through nettle bushes off of the swing and cracked her head open on a small stone. Where unicorns then stabbed her to death.
The members
Now to introduce the cult members and how Lit Arts views them. Calliope Dean was the first to be called into the light of Jonettism. She brought the group together. Zoe Deetz was the second, after Calliope brought her out of her old toxic cult, she introduced her to Jonette and made her an official member of Jonettism. Callista Frederick otherwise known as Callie, caught onto their cult and when approached by Calliope and Zoe, she agreed to join. Last but not least Ruby Deetz, she joined simply because Zoe was already in the cult and when she heard about the cult, she agreed to join.
Some have differing opinions on the members, Zara Quiter, sixth grade student at Oakland School for the Arts says that her favorite member of the cult is Callie because she can talk to frogs, but states that her least favorite member is “the evil Calliope.”
Quiter also said “One time I was walking through the halls and I saw Calliope and she was flying, it was very strange.” This further proves the theory that all members of the cult have been granted power. Quiter says that her old pair of shoes were split in half by members and they used the power of her shoes for a ceremony. Quiter says that she fears for her safety and she believes that Calliope wishes to sacrifice her to Jonette.
Sacrificial Ceremonies
By now, everyone in Lit Arts is very aware of the cult sacrificial ceremonies. Jonette is a very large force who needs power replenishments, so as of April, cult members have been bringing in animals. Luckily they said after three animals Jonette’s power would be replenished and they would go back to animals. But if anyone wrongs them or their leader, they take things into their own hands and prepare a special ceremony to sacrifice the evil sinner. These ceremonies are usually done during free time in the Lit Arts room whenever there is time.
The members gather round a table with the sacrifice on it and chant a passage in latin that goes like this, “omnes laudabunt Jonette, omnes amare debent omnes Jonette laudabunt, omnes Jonette amabunt, una et unica deitas nostra est, et animas nostras pro ea dabimus.” Translating to: all shall praise Jonette, all shall love Jonette all shall praise Jonette, all shall love Jonette, she is our one and only deity, and we will give our souls for her.
They repeat this chant four times until the life force has successfully been transferred to Jonette.
Anonymous interview with a cult member
Our cult member prefers not to disclose their identity but will happily be interviewed. Anonymous says, “We as a cult do not worship god, we worship Jonette.'' They say that people who criticize the cult are rejecting Jonette herself.
“My favorite practices are when we take dolls and stuff and push them off a swing. We have this one swing that’s really high up so we can push the swing up and then fling them all the way off the edge because it really resembles Jonnette when she fell off her swing.” Anonymous said. They also said that all members can individually communicate with Jonette. “She talks to me all the time about bunnies because we both really like bunnies, and that does not allude to who I am at all,” Anonymous concluded.
As you can see, the cult club is far from disbanding and plans on continuing their practices even next year. I hope you enjoyed this article and may the spirit of Jonette be with you.
