Everyone sees pigeons pretty much all the time. Daily even. But is this really the result of there being many pigeons? Or could there be something else going on? -- HAyley Schoeneman, 6th grade
Recently students at OSA have been seeing an increased amount of pigeons in Uptown Park. Students assume it’s just them simply stealing food bits off the ground, so most students pay it no mind. But as of late, pigeons have been seen observing OSA. Some even seemed to be taking notes on lined paper using tiny pencils. But when students have attempted to investigate, the pigeons take off and fly away – taking their pencils and papers with them.
But there was one recent instance of a pigeon not succeeding in its flawless escape. The pigeon was seen sitting on a bench at Uptown, when a group of students snuck up on it. They were unable to catch it but the bird didn’t have a chance to grab its paper. It was reported to have made a hasty attempt, but the student kicked at it and frightened it away.
One of the students (who would like to remain anonymous) said, “It did try to get its notebook, but pigeons are kinda small, and I bet it couldn’t lift it well, so it left it behind.” So what had the pigeon written?
The print was small and messy, but the students were able to decipher it. It read:
“May 2, 2023. Starting at about 11:50, a huge crowd of students comes out of a door on 19th street. I’ve noticed that the time changes day to day. You may have noticed that as well if you’ve been reading my other reports thoroughly. But it’s always 11:50 on Tuesdays. They walk down the sidewalk until they get to the blinking light that seems to make them stop or go. When it turns green (and displays the human walking on a smaller box below) they cross the street. I still don’t know why they go all the way to the corner, instead of going straight (perhaps the street is booby-trapped to prevent our invasion, but how would they know? Who else could they be guarding against?) They go out to the park where they sit and eat out of colorful boxes. (I know that you already know this, but I’m trying to be thorough) they go inside at –” the text stops there.
This is the point where the students startled the pigeon and forced it to flee. So what does this mean? Well, it means the pigeons are watching us. It seems this bird was writing a report to another bird about our lunch schedule. But the most disturbing thing – perhaps even more disturbing than pigeons who are able to write – is the invasion they mentioned. It said our invasion, as if multiple pigeons are planning to invade. But invade what? Well, it seems that their target is OSA.
The student who found the notebook said, “I bet they’re invading OSA first, ya’know, like a test run? I mean, I see pigeons all around Oakland, not just OSA, so doesn’t that make everywhere a target?” Other students agree with these suspicions.
6th grade literary arts student Maia Cavagnolo (they/them) said, “They’re definitely going to invade. They're gonna start with OSA, then use that power to move on to other, bigger places.” Eleni Leventis, 6th grade theater student, agrees that the pigeons will be attacking OSA. Leventis says that even before pigeons began to plot to attack OSA, she didn’t trust them. Cavagnolo has noticed pigeons flying in huge flocks, and believes that, “It would be easy to get everyone out of the building using pigeon forces because the halls are so small, so it’s an easy target.” But Leventis isn’t too concerned with the potential pigeon take over, saying we can just “step on them.”
But the pigeons might not just be using “pigeon forces” to take over OSA. Cavagnolo mysteriously says, “pigeons are superior.” Is it possible that some students will side with the pigeons in the takeover? This is beginning to appear likely, and students may see some good reasons to join the pigeons. People likely believe the pigeons will succeed in the plight to conquer the world, and that if they side with the pigeons they will be given a spot of importance. But this is not so. Pigeons have no fondness for humans, and even if one were on their side, it is unlikely that they would be treated well. We advise you not to side with the pigeons, for if they plan on conquering the world, it’s unlikely they will let any humans remain, allies or not.
But there was one recent instance of a pigeon not succeeding in its flawless escape. The pigeon was seen sitting on a bench at Uptown, when a group of students snuck up on it. They were unable to catch it but the bird didn’t have a chance to grab its paper. It was reported to have made a hasty attempt, but the student kicked at it and frightened it away.
One of the students (who would like to remain anonymous) said, “It did try to get its notebook, but pigeons are kinda small, and I bet it couldn’t lift it well, so it left it behind.” So what had the pigeon written?
The print was small and messy, but the students were able to decipher it. It read:
“May 2, 2023. Starting at about 11:50, a huge crowd of students comes out of a door on 19th street. I’ve noticed that the time changes day to day. You may have noticed that as well if you’ve been reading my other reports thoroughly. But it’s always 11:50 on Tuesdays. They walk down the sidewalk until they get to the blinking light that seems to make them stop or go. When it turns green (and displays the human walking on a smaller box below) they cross the street. I still don’t know why they go all the way to the corner, instead of going straight (perhaps the street is booby-trapped to prevent our invasion, but how would they know? Who else could they be guarding against?) They go out to the park where they sit and eat out of colorful boxes. (I know that you already know this, but I’m trying to be thorough) they go inside at –” the text stops there.
This is the point where the students startled the pigeon and forced it to flee. So what does this mean? Well, it means the pigeons are watching us. It seems this bird was writing a report to another bird about our lunch schedule. But the most disturbing thing – perhaps even more disturbing than pigeons who are able to write – is the invasion they mentioned. It said our invasion, as if multiple pigeons are planning to invade. But invade what? Well, it seems that their target is OSA.
The student who found the notebook said, “I bet they’re invading OSA first, ya’know, like a test run? I mean, I see pigeons all around Oakland, not just OSA, so doesn’t that make everywhere a target?” Other students agree with these suspicions.
6th grade literary arts student Maia Cavagnolo (they/them) said, “They’re definitely going to invade. They're gonna start with OSA, then use that power to move on to other, bigger places.” Eleni Leventis, 6th grade theater student, agrees that the pigeons will be attacking OSA. Leventis says that even before pigeons began to plot to attack OSA, she didn’t trust them. Cavagnolo has noticed pigeons flying in huge flocks, and believes that, “It would be easy to get everyone out of the building using pigeon forces because the halls are so small, so it’s an easy target.” But Leventis isn’t too concerned with the potential pigeon take over, saying we can just “step on them.”
But the pigeons might not just be using “pigeon forces” to take over OSA. Cavagnolo mysteriously says, “pigeons are superior.” Is it possible that some students will side with the pigeons in the takeover? This is beginning to appear likely, and students may see some good reasons to join the pigeons. People likely believe the pigeons will succeed in the plight to conquer the world, and that if they side with the pigeons they will be given a spot of importance. But this is not so. Pigeons have no fondness for humans, and even if one were on their side, it is unlikely that they would be treated well. We advise you not to side with the pigeons, for if they plan on conquering the world, it’s unlikely they will let any humans remain, allies or not.
