" the student council members adopted the permanent usage of their realistic mech suits of the adult leadership" --Elias Dickey, 10th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
The OSA administration released a statement last Thursday outlining the school’s new dress code, specifying the need for each and every student to have at least one piercing or at the bare minimum, dyed hair effective immediately.
By now, the news of the student-led coup overthrowing the adult leadership early March is well known amongst OSA’s student body.
Attempts at diplomacy intended at liberating the captured administrators from the janitorial closet has failed thus far. After the student council members adopted the permanent usage of their realistic mech suits of the adult leadership, the legislative body has been working on instituting strict policies throughout their regime starting with a strict new dress code. In the aforementioned comment from one of the captured administrators’ emails, the new dress code “requires students to have either dyed hair (specifically on the spectrum of neon) or at least one metal piercing.”
While the “administration” hasn’t publicized their reasons, speculation from the class of 2025’s leading political analysts is that the undercover council is planning to send an electromagnetic pulse through the metal piercings and conductive chemicals present in the neon dye. This will most likely take place during lunch, when the high schoolers are spread throughout the city, maximizing the area effect of the EMP. When the city’s art stores security systems have gone offline, art supplies will be free for the taking.
The clever part is that this ploy is geared towards not drawing attention from the rest of the school district. After all, who would suspect dyed hair and piercings at an art school? However, the school district dispatched an investigator out of suspicion after one of the mech suit-operating students used Gen-Z terms in a business email: “Our teachers have emphasized the need to slay the CAASP scores, and the students will be highkey motivated by the fact that the most goated class will receive a pizza party. No cap.”
Now the future of their scheme is uncertain, but we at The Shallot are devoted to keeping you updated, so return to our page for subsequent updates as the action progresses.
The OSA administration released a statement last Thursday outlining the school’s new dress code, specifying the need for each and every student to have at least one piercing or at the bare minimum, dyed hair effective immediately.
By now, the news of the student-led coup overthrowing the adult leadership early March is well known amongst OSA’s student body.
Attempts at diplomacy intended at liberating the captured administrators from the janitorial closet has failed thus far. After the student council members adopted the permanent usage of their realistic mech suits of the adult leadership, the legislative body has been working on instituting strict policies throughout their regime starting with a strict new dress code. In the aforementioned comment from one of the captured administrators’ emails, the new dress code “requires students to have either dyed hair (specifically on the spectrum of neon) or at least one metal piercing.”
While the “administration” hasn’t publicized their reasons, speculation from the class of 2025’s leading political analysts is that the undercover council is planning to send an electromagnetic pulse through the metal piercings and conductive chemicals present in the neon dye. This will most likely take place during lunch, when the high schoolers are spread throughout the city, maximizing the area effect of the EMP. When the city’s art stores security systems have gone offline, art supplies will be free for the taking.
The clever part is that this ploy is geared towards not drawing attention from the rest of the school district. After all, who would suspect dyed hair and piercings at an art school? However, the school district dispatched an investigator out of suspicion after one of the mech suit-operating students used Gen-Z terms in a business email: “Our teachers have emphasized the need to slay the CAASP scores, and the students will be highkey motivated by the fact that the most goated class will receive a pizza party. No cap.”
Now the future of their scheme is uncertain, but we at The Shallot are devoted to keeping you updated, so return to our page for subsequent updates as the action progresses.
