"Only Four entrants remain in part 2 of March badness. Who, or what will be crowned the worst?" -- The telegraph staff
Round 3 - Foul Four
Booty Sweat vs Misreading A Wave Meant For Someone Else
Elias Dickey: Condensation in the fanny. Damp buns. This sensation is the epitome of uncomfort. Or so I thought. Walking through the hallway, the kid I’ve talked to once or twice before raises a hand in a friendly wave. Perfectly plausible that it’s directed at me, right? We’re on good terms, so I wave back. Suddenly, the eyes I thought were pointed my way actually meet my eyes, confused, before flitting back at something behind me. Immediately realizing what happened, I switch out of my wave to idly adjust my glasses, trying to play it off, but it’s useless. Me, the kid in front of me, and the one behind me he actually was waving at, all know what went down. Welp. Time to not sleep for a week. Winner: Misreading A Wave Meant For Someone Else
Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush vs Your Thighs Sticking To A Chair
Ava Rukavina: Physical annoyances are nothing but agonizing, especially when it’s a headache-inducing, sweltering summer afternoon and it seems that no matter how much effort you exert to stand, it appears that someone has hot glued your thighs to the plastic surface of your chair. The social dilemma of cyberstalking is far worse, especially when you’re on the stalking end. We’ve all done it (don’t lie, don’t you dare), scrolling through someone’s Instagram posts from half a decade ago, all of a sudden your hand slips and you’ve liked their selfie from September of 2018. Now it’s you and this person and they know your dirty little secret, and the two of you will never be the same. Winner: Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush
Booty Sweat vs Misreading A Wave Meant For Someone Else
Elias Dickey: Condensation in the fanny. Damp buns. This sensation is the epitome of uncomfort. Or so I thought. Walking through the hallway, the kid I’ve talked to once or twice before raises a hand in a friendly wave. Perfectly plausible that it’s directed at me, right? We’re on good terms, so I wave back. Suddenly, the eyes I thought were pointed my way actually meet my eyes, confused, before flitting back at something behind me. Immediately realizing what happened, I switch out of my wave to idly adjust my glasses, trying to play it off, but it’s useless. Me, the kid in front of me, and the one behind me he actually was waving at, all know what went down. Welp. Time to not sleep for a week. Winner: Misreading A Wave Meant For Someone Else
Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush vs Your Thighs Sticking To A Chair
Ava Rukavina: Physical annoyances are nothing but agonizing, especially when it’s a headache-inducing, sweltering summer afternoon and it seems that no matter how much effort you exert to stand, it appears that someone has hot glued your thighs to the plastic surface of your chair. The social dilemma of cyberstalking is far worse, especially when you’re on the stalking end. We’ve all done it (don’t lie, don’t you dare), scrolling through someone’s Instagram posts from half a decade ago, all of a sudden your hand slips and you’ve liked their selfie from September of 2018. Now it’s you and this person and they know your dirty little secret, and the two of you will never be the same. Winner: Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush
Terrible Two
The case for Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush:
Triece Kushner: Everyone’s had the moment where they have internet stalked a little too hard without checking if their post views are on or if they liked a post from 2019. There is a stomach dropping and the cold sweat of realizing that they know that you deliberately looked up their account and paid them enough peace of mind to spend your free time looking them up. It’s not only embarrassing but belittling as a human. It’s something that can’t be ignored or explained away as a mistake like the wave, because a wave is something that is embarrassing for a moment or two, acknowledged as an accident or unintended. When you liked a post you deliberately went to their page to look at them. Not only that but you know people love to be messy, so watch the screenshot of you liking the post come up on their spam or in their group chat and now you are the laughingstock of a whole friend group.
The case for Misreading A Wave Meant For Someone Else
Editor’s note – we let Orion run this as intended. A more formally translated version of this rant is reprinted below.
MISREAD WAVE SHOULD'VE WON AND HERE IS WHY:
So like y'know when ur going through someone's TikTok bc they're really cool, and then you look at the date for one of the videos and it's just like, 2022??? Yeah so that sucks but like you can always unlike it and even if the person gets a notif chances are they won’t care. Like someone recently liked one of my videos from like august 2022 and like ok thats a bit weird but idc i mean if i'm looking through someone's social media its bc they’re cool like bruh also like its not even in person, like ur probably not gonna remember that like yeah but however with the misread wave???? Bruhhhhh thats like in person, and like often you'll be walking by them and they wave and ur like omg hiii and then they don't respond and you notice their eyes are looking just a little bit behind you and you just die and you have to WALK PAST THEM WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and they're probably gonna judge you too like bruh. Also like y'know how you remember embarrassing stuff from forever ago? Yeah so like most of the time on screens u dont remember stuff bc brain fry rrrrrrrrrrrrrr but like this is in person, you're gonna remember waving at that person for years to come. Anygays, yeah. The class was wrong and I was right, as always.
Formal version: Misread waves are much worse than accidentally liking an old post. For one, you usually don’t remember most of the things that happen online. I mean, we all know that we’ve accidentally liked an old thing, but can we really remember what the case was? However, misreading a wave? That’s real life. Like Elias, I can remember an occasion from years ago, in vivid detail. I was walking through the halls and I saw a really cool person who I’ve wanted to be friends with for so long and he waved, and I was just so excited I waved back, but literally as I was waving my hand, I saw their eyes were focused on someone behind me. And then, even worse, I had to walk past them knowing how embarrassed I was.
Plus, most of the time, if you’re liking someone’s old post, chances are you were on the profile because you thought they were cool. That’s just admiration. I mean, we post things to share with people, so someone liking the post is just them enjoying that you shared that with them. And sure, it’s a bit embarrassing, but you can always unlike the post. Essentially, misread waves are just so much more embarrassing than accidentally liking an old post.
The Worst: Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush (unfortunately -Orion)
The case for Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush:
Triece Kushner: Everyone’s had the moment where they have internet stalked a little too hard without checking if their post views are on or if they liked a post from 2019. There is a stomach dropping and the cold sweat of realizing that they know that you deliberately looked up their account and paid them enough peace of mind to spend your free time looking them up. It’s not only embarrassing but belittling as a human. It’s something that can’t be ignored or explained away as a mistake like the wave, because a wave is something that is embarrassing for a moment or two, acknowledged as an accident or unintended. When you liked a post you deliberately went to their page to look at them. Not only that but you know people love to be messy, so watch the screenshot of you liking the post come up on their spam or in their group chat and now you are the laughingstock of a whole friend group.
The case for Misreading A Wave Meant For Someone Else
Editor’s note – we let Orion run this as intended. A more formally translated version of this rant is reprinted below.
MISREAD WAVE SHOULD'VE WON AND HERE IS WHY:
So like y'know when ur going through someone's TikTok bc they're really cool, and then you look at the date for one of the videos and it's just like, 2022??? Yeah so that sucks but like you can always unlike it and even if the person gets a notif chances are they won’t care. Like someone recently liked one of my videos from like august 2022 and like ok thats a bit weird but idc i mean if i'm looking through someone's social media its bc they’re cool like bruh also like its not even in person, like ur probably not gonna remember that like yeah but however with the misread wave???? Bruhhhhh thats like in person, and like often you'll be walking by them and they wave and ur like omg hiii and then they don't respond and you notice their eyes are looking just a little bit behind you and you just die and you have to WALK PAST THEM WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and they're probably gonna judge you too like bruh. Also like y'know how you remember embarrassing stuff from forever ago? Yeah so like most of the time on screens u dont remember stuff bc brain fry rrrrrrrrrrrrrr but like this is in person, you're gonna remember waving at that person for years to come. Anygays, yeah. The class was wrong and I was right, as always.
Formal version: Misread waves are much worse than accidentally liking an old post. For one, you usually don’t remember most of the things that happen online. I mean, we all know that we’ve accidentally liked an old thing, but can we really remember what the case was? However, misreading a wave? That’s real life. Like Elias, I can remember an occasion from years ago, in vivid detail. I was walking through the halls and I saw a really cool person who I’ve wanted to be friends with for so long and he waved, and I was just so excited I waved back, but literally as I was waving my hand, I saw their eyes were focused on someone behind me. And then, even worse, I had to walk past them knowing how embarrassed I was.
Plus, most of the time, if you’re liking someone’s old post, chances are you were on the profile because you thought they were cool. That’s just admiration. I mean, we post things to share with people, so someone liking the post is just them enjoying that you shared that with them. And sure, it’s a bit embarrassing, but you can always unlike the post. Essentially, misread waves are just so much more embarrassing than accidentally liking an old post.
The Worst: Getting Caught Cyberstalking Your Crush (unfortunately -Orion)
