Superbowl Ad REVIEWS!

"What follows is a poorly organized and very unprofessional review of the 2018 Super Bowl commercials. You’re welcome. "
--Tahlia Torres-Cohen

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Like many other Americans, I have been forced to watch the Superbowl, despite not knowing how to play football or what any of the rules meant, for years. In spite, or perhaps because of, my inherent dislike of this weird sports ritual, I find myself indulging in the varying onslaught of commercials that come with it. It is entertaining to watch as the companies spend millions and millions in attempt to cater to an American football  audience with humor, sentiment, or stupidity. The intrigue is universal. Almost like sports.  
What follows is a poorly organized and very unprofessional review of the 2018 Super Bowl commercials. You’re welcome.

The Funny Ones (Top 3)

1. Amazon Alexa loses her voice

This is one of my favorites of the Super Bowl ads. The commercial starts with Alexa losing her voice, causing a frantic Amazon reboot where various celebrities were connected to the device instead. It was funny in both its writing and iconic cameos. I don’t genuinely laugh at many ads, but this got a giggle or two. Plus, any commercial improves when Gordon Ramsay starts screaming about grilled cheese and Cardi B refuses to play country music.
Rate: A+

​2. I guess it's a tide ad?

This Superbowl, Tide (yes, the laundry detergent) paid millions of dollars to make a really good joke. Using Stranger Things star David Harbour, they played out almost every mainstream advertisement trope and turned it into a Tide ad. They even used the Old Spice guy and the old spice jingle (is that even legal?).  No matter the copyright complications, it was still a really good idea.
Rate: A

3. Who doesn't want to support local businesses?

In this Groupon commercial, Tiffany Haddish reminds us how Groupon supports local businesses with the classic “And what kind of person doesn’t support local businesses?” We are basically blessed (I mean, come on, it’s Tiffany Haddish)  with a skeptical eyebrow raise before the scene switches. It cuts to a rich man who chuckles about all the little businesses he could shut down. He looked like he would be the guy that would give his oldest son a company for his 18th birthday. He opens his mansion door and is promptly hit in the stomach by a football. It was a good play on football humor and allowed some typical Tiffany Haddish humor to edge itself in there as well.
Rate: B (there is some question to whether Groupon actually helps local businesses more than it hurts them)

The Heart Wrenchers (Top 3)

1. The Toyota ad you didn't know was a Toyota ad

Toyota had us all paying attention with a short motivational feature of paralympics gold medalist Lauren Woolstencroft and how she beat the odds. It was a classic sentimental commercial that had everyone confused about the actual product. We were all lost in how touching the story was and then the Toyota symbol popped up and confusion ensued. But it was a cool ad so...extra points?
Rate: B

2. Coca Cola: Wonder of Us

This was a good one. It was cute. The point of this commercial was to champion diversity and representation for everyone. One part of the ad was the line of “there a coke for he, and she, and her, and me, and them.” The use of the gender-neutral pronouns was really refreshing way to show inclusivity and had me thinking about the “Buy the world a coke” ad from 1971 (I know, that’s hella old). In that ad, they had a large group of people that were relatively diverse and seemingly from different countries singing “I’d like to buy the world a coke” on and scenic hilltop. 
Rate: A

3. Budweiser: Stand by me

This one-minute long Budweiser commercial was about anything other that beer. It’s actually about water. The commercial features Kevin Fahrenkrog, a general manager at a Budweiser brewery. Fahrenkrog is shown orchestrating a huge project of filling and distributing beer cans (that say water on them) to places that had major natural disasters like Florida, Puerto Rico, Texas and California. It was a short but powerful comment on the importance of everyone helping and sticking together.  Whether Budweiser was just hopping on the “actually giving a sh*t about humanity” train for good press or for the spirit of sending aid, it was still a good thing to do. ​

Honorable Mentions (a lonely 2)

1. Doritos vs. Mountain Dew

This commercial was made by the cameos. On the Doritos side, Peter Dinklage lip synced in front of a lavish living room surrounded by fire. On the Mountain Dew side, Morgan Freeman lip synced surrounded by ice and blue. They met in the middle. I’m pretty sure this was a very un-subtle way to say, “we know what you’re binge eating, so now we added Morgan Freeman and Peter Dinklage in the mix so that at least a tiny part of you won’t feel bad about it afterwards.” I personally would like to say thank you.
Rate: A-

2. The Guy whose "bleep" don't stink

This was a good joke. In a Febreze ad, they tell the story of the man whose “bleep don’t stink.” In this context, “Bleep” can only mean excrement.. Throughout the commercial, family members of the man in question talked about what it was like to be related to such a legend. In one of the “interviews”, his mom said, “My friend’s son became a lawyer, but our son... his Bleep don’t stink and that is better.” Febreze went on to state that that guy would not be at your Superbowl party. Thanks Febreze.
Rate: B
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Now, it's back to the waiting game. The next Superbowl is a year away and football fans will be waiting eagerly for the game that will probably be the exact same as the year before. As for those of us who aren't into sports, hopefully the commercials will only improve.