"The gift of creation is given to almost everyone, some use it to make beautiful, inventive things to brighten our future. I am going to misuse the gift of creation."--poppy zaiger 8th grade
Thanksgiving is a pretty alright holiday, tolerating those pesky relatives while eating, mostly, bland food. Most Thanksgiving recipes are normal, others probably crawled out of Davy Jones's locker. Today you can decorate or create food that will traumatize whoever gazes into the food for too long.
Many of the recipes here are taken from Kids cooking activities, which is a relatively wholesome and nice blog. But out of all of the nice recipes their Thanksgiving catalog is so hilariously cursed, every image looks like it was photographed with a printer. I tweaked the recipes to make them look more horrific than they originally were.
An Affront to God
(Turkey hand cookie)
Ingredients:
1. vanilla cookie dough & a recipe to make vanilla cookies
2. White icing
3. Sprinkles of any kind
4. Chocolate icing
5. A yellow triangle object for the beak (I used cheese)
Yield: ???
Recipe:
1. Roll out your dough until thin
2. Place your hand on the dough and cut out the outline with a knife
3. Take away extra dough (You can save it for later)
4. Put in oven for as long as it takes to cook
5. Take out when it’s time and let it cool
6. Put frosting on it and decorate it
7. Put yellow object on the thumb
8. Congratulations.
Tips & extra comments: Spread out your hands while cutting so the turkey looks better.
Many of the recipes here are taken from Kids cooking activities, which is a relatively wholesome and nice blog. But out of all of the nice recipes their Thanksgiving catalog is so hilariously cursed, every image looks like it was photographed with a printer. I tweaked the recipes to make them look more horrific than they originally were.
An Affront to God
(Turkey hand cookie)
Ingredients:
1. vanilla cookie dough & a recipe to make vanilla cookies
2. White icing
3. Sprinkles of any kind
4. Chocolate icing
5. A yellow triangle object for the beak (I used cheese)
Yield: ???
Recipe:
1. Roll out your dough until thin
2. Place your hand on the dough and cut out the outline with a knife
3. Take away extra dough (You can save it for later)
4. Put in oven for as long as it takes to cook
5. Take out when it’s time and let it cool
6. Put frosting on it and decorate it
7. Put yellow object on the thumb
8. Congratulations.
Tips & extra comments: Spread out your hands while cutting so the turkey looks better.
KFC's New Menu Item (Turkey Bread)
Ingredients:
Bread dough (follow a bread recipe or get dough from a shop)
Food dye
An oven
Any black edible objects for eyes
Recipe:
1. Form dough into turkey shape
2. Brush food coloring on feathers with the silicone brush thing
3. Take out of oven
4. Devour
Tips & extra comments: Actually read the recipe before you try it so you don’t mix dye into the bread dough and make it look like your turkey has organs. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRUSH THE DYE ON THE SURFACE DON’T MIX IT IN.
Ingredients:
Bread dough (follow a bread recipe or get dough from a shop)
Food dye
An oven
Any black edible objects for eyes
Recipe:
1. Form dough into turkey shape
2. Brush food coloring on feathers with the silicone brush thing
3. Take out of oven
4. Devour
Tips & extra comments: Actually read the recipe before you try it so you don’t mix dye into the bread dough and make it look like your turkey has organs. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRUSH THE DYE ON THE SURFACE DON’T MIX IT IN.
The Juice in Home Cook’s Nightmares
Ingredients:
10 Lemons
Enough raspberries to fill up half of a pot
At least one tablespoon of sugar
Recipe:
1. Juice lemons and take out the seeds
2. Put raspberries and lemon juice in a pot
3. Cook until juice like
4. Mix in as much sugar you want
5. Strain with any strainer you have
6. Put in bowl or cup
7. Drink
Tips & extra comments: Good luck trying to follow this recipe, because the creation of this recipe was just me throwing stuff together because I was bored. To be honest I don’t know what I am doing either but I know that it’s right. Also if it catches fire don’t put it out, it adds flavor.
Ingredients:
10 Lemons
Enough raspberries to fill up half of a pot
At least one tablespoon of sugar
Recipe:
1. Juice lemons and take out the seeds
2. Put raspberries and lemon juice in a pot
3. Cook until juice like
4. Mix in as much sugar you want
5. Strain with any strainer you have
6. Put in bowl or cup
7. Drink
Tips & extra comments: Good luck trying to follow this recipe, because the creation of this recipe was just me throwing stuff together because I was bored. To be honest I don’t know what I am doing either but I know that it’s right. Also if it catches fire don’t put it out, it adds flavor.
4. BONUS RECIPE!!!
You thought I just gave you one recipe, you goblins? You thought I hung you out to dry? HELL NO! If you have extra dough from the hand turkey, Make this!
The Damned Souls of Colonizers (Vanilla cookies)
Ingredients:
Vanilla Cookie dough
Chocolate frosting
A really good story
Recipe:
1. Flatten the dough into circles
2. Cook them in an oven
3. When done, take them out and cool for 10 minutes.
4. Use chocolate frosting to draw faces (bonus points if they look like their in pain)
5. Tell your younger cousins that these people brutally murdered others for the land of america, and this is their form of damnation.
Tips & extra comments: You can hear them scream while you eat them.
Thank you for following these recipes, I hope your family hates them. Have a wonderful day.
You thought I just gave you one recipe, you goblins? You thought I hung you out to dry? HELL NO! If you have extra dough from the hand turkey, Make this!
The Damned Souls of Colonizers (Vanilla cookies)
Ingredients:
Vanilla Cookie dough
Chocolate frosting
A really good story
Recipe:
1. Flatten the dough into circles
2. Cook them in an oven
3. When done, take them out and cool for 10 minutes.
4. Use chocolate frosting to draw faces (bonus points if they look like their in pain)
5. Tell your younger cousins that these people brutally murdered others for the land of america, and this is their form of damnation.
Tips & extra comments: You can hear them scream while you eat them.
Thank you for following these recipes, I hope your family hates them. Have a wonderful day.
