 | A study done in June of 2018 showed that 80% of people’s New Year’s Resolutions failed by February. Why do people make such unrealistic resolutions for themselves? |
A study done in June of 2018 showed that 80% of people’s New Year’s Resolutions failed by February. Why do people make such unrealistic resolutions for themselves? Turns out they don’t. The resolutions are not unrealistic at all, it’s just difficult to maintain something that’s not measurable. No goal on the top 9 list--don’t ask me why it’s not a top ten, I’m just a journalist, I just record the data--is specific. No goal on this list is measurable, or at all attainable because there is no end date and no numbers. There’s no goal, only the idea of one.
Here are the top 9 most common New Year’s Resolutions:
And here is everything wrong with all those resolutions:
Exercise more - Exercise how much? How will you exercise? WIll you go to the gym? How realistic is that? Everyone knows you’ll come home one day and be “just to tired,” and you’ll work “extra hard” the next day, and suddenly you do that everyday. By the end of the year you’ve gone to the gym about 35 times, half of that time you spent less than 20 minutes exercising and about an hour under the infinite hot water that gym provides.
Lose weight - By when? Are you changing your diet, or exercising, or both? What’s your time period? How much weight will you lose by what date? How do you expect to keep this weight off? You’re gonna try all these diets: caveman diet, water diet, snicker diet, and all those other diets, and you’re not going to lose any weight. Why? Because you’ll cheat. You’ll eat a piece of bread with your glass of water, and suddenly the whole baguette will be gone. Where’d it go? Check the extra two pounds on the scale.
Eat more healthily - How will you eat more healthy? What will you incorporate in your diet? Sure, you can do it for a few months. You’ll be proud of yourself. Everyone will say “good for you.” Soon you’ll be out at a steakhouse with your parents and your brother, and his fiance. They’ll order cheese fries and offer you some, then your mom will have to wipe the drool off your face like you’re a baby again. You’ll cave in and eat you and your brother’s share of cheese fries with bacon bits.
Take a more active approach to health - Number four is just BS, you can’t make that attainable, it’s the same thing as number one, two, and three combined. You’ll fail. Most people do in this case. You’ll go to Panda Express and your fortune cookie will say “2019 will not be the year for you.” There’s always 2020, right?
Learn new skill or hobby - What new skill or hobby do you want to pick up? How often will you do this? There’s nothing bad about this terrible idea, just don’t take up knitting, you’ve failed before you’ve started. Try creative writing, it’s creative so it would be harder for you to fail at something that doesn’t have many limits. If you’re terrible with grammar and vocabulary you might not want to try that. Maybe you should just not make a resolution this year.
Spend more time on personal wellbeing - What in the actual **** kind of resolution is this? Wellbeing?!?!? I’ve never seen a more specific resolution!!!! It’s so clear, and simple, and I can’t believe I haven’t conjured up this amazing idea in my own head. I honestly can’t believe the 12% of people who used this as their resolution we’re that lazy.
Spend more time with family and friends - How often do you really want to do that? How many times a week? They’re gonna get old and annoying real fast. I’d rather be at home binge-watching something on Netflix, or doing something that doesn’t require constant conversation with people you will soon realize you don’t love that much.
Drink less alcohol - LESS alcohol? So you’re gonna keep drinking and say you’re successful because you’re drinking less? You could be drinking 10 pints of Guinness a day, if you lower it to 6 or 7 pints, that’s not success, it’s just lowering your risk of alcohol poisoning.
Stop smoking - Okay, sure, you go ahead and try. I guarantee by June you’ll be smoking twice as much as you were before. I hope you don’t think that by December 31st, 2019 you won’t have a single cigarette left in your home. You will cheat. You won’t regret it. You will fail.
In conclusion, all these idea make up one huge pile of crap, but here are a few ideas for good New Year’s Resolutions, so you don’t feel like a complete failure:
I'm not going to say good luck because I have no confidence that you will succeed, but Happy New Year.
Here are the top 9 most common New Year’s Resolutions:
- Exercise more (38%)
- Lose weight (33%)
- Eat more healthily (32%)
- Take a more active approach to health (15%)
- Learn new skill or hobby (15%)
- Spend more time on personal wellbeing (12%)
- Spend more time with family and friends (12%
- Drink less alcohol (12%)
- Stop smoking (9%)
And here is everything wrong with all those resolutions:
Exercise more - Exercise how much? How will you exercise? WIll you go to the gym? How realistic is that? Everyone knows you’ll come home one day and be “just to tired,” and you’ll work “extra hard” the next day, and suddenly you do that everyday. By the end of the year you’ve gone to the gym about 35 times, half of that time you spent less than 20 minutes exercising and about an hour under the infinite hot water that gym provides.
Lose weight - By when? Are you changing your diet, or exercising, or both? What’s your time period? How much weight will you lose by what date? How do you expect to keep this weight off? You’re gonna try all these diets: caveman diet, water diet, snicker diet, and all those other diets, and you’re not going to lose any weight. Why? Because you’ll cheat. You’ll eat a piece of bread with your glass of water, and suddenly the whole baguette will be gone. Where’d it go? Check the extra two pounds on the scale.
Eat more healthily - How will you eat more healthy? What will you incorporate in your diet? Sure, you can do it for a few months. You’ll be proud of yourself. Everyone will say “good for you.” Soon you’ll be out at a steakhouse with your parents and your brother, and his fiance. They’ll order cheese fries and offer you some, then your mom will have to wipe the drool off your face like you’re a baby again. You’ll cave in and eat you and your brother’s share of cheese fries with bacon bits.
Take a more active approach to health - Number four is just BS, you can’t make that attainable, it’s the same thing as number one, two, and three combined. You’ll fail. Most people do in this case. You’ll go to Panda Express and your fortune cookie will say “2019 will not be the year for you.” There’s always 2020, right?
Learn new skill or hobby - What new skill or hobby do you want to pick up? How often will you do this? There’s nothing bad about this terrible idea, just don’t take up knitting, you’ve failed before you’ve started. Try creative writing, it’s creative so it would be harder for you to fail at something that doesn’t have many limits. If you’re terrible with grammar and vocabulary you might not want to try that. Maybe you should just not make a resolution this year.
Spend more time on personal wellbeing - What in the actual **** kind of resolution is this? Wellbeing?!?!? I’ve never seen a more specific resolution!!!! It’s so clear, and simple, and I can’t believe I haven’t conjured up this amazing idea in my own head. I honestly can’t believe the 12% of people who used this as their resolution we’re that lazy.
Spend more time with family and friends - How often do you really want to do that? How many times a week? They’re gonna get old and annoying real fast. I’d rather be at home binge-watching something on Netflix, or doing something that doesn’t require constant conversation with people you will soon realize you don’t love that much.
Drink less alcohol - LESS alcohol? So you’re gonna keep drinking and say you’re successful because you’re drinking less? You could be drinking 10 pints of Guinness a day, if you lower it to 6 or 7 pints, that’s not success, it’s just lowering your risk of alcohol poisoning.
Stop smoking - Okay, sure, you go ahead and try. I guarantee by June you’ll be smoking twice as much as you were before. I hope you don’t think that by December 31st, 2019 you won’t have a single cigarette left in your home. You will cheat. You won’t regret it. You will fail.
In conclusion, all these idea make up one huge pile of crap, but here are a few ideas for good New Year’s Resolutions, so you don’t feel like a complete failure:
- Travel to three places you’ve never been- by car, plane, train, or boat.
- Journal on the last day of every month for at least half an hour about how the month was for you.
- Power off your phone completely for half an hour every other day.
- Make dinner for yourself and/or your family once a month.
- Save *insert amount of money* by *insert day/month/2019*
I'm not going to say good luck because I have no confidence that you will succeed, but Happy New Year.
