"With a few years of mediocrity under her belt, and her only fans being those who came of age in the late 90’s, Gwyneth paltrow sought to connect further by doing what wealthy white ladies do best; Sell essential oils in their living rooms. And thus, Goop was born." - nat salop
The first time I saw Gwyneth Paltrow, I was maybe ten years old, and Sliding Doors was on cable. It was much too mature for me, and my mother immediately turned it off. To this day I don't know now how it ends, and honestly I didn't remember she starred in that movie until a few minutes ago. She has always been a bit forgettable in my mind, always playing someone’s girlfriend, someone’s wife. She was an actress hired for her name and face, but after her early success, that was really all she was. I suppose, until now. With a few years of mediocrity under her belt, and her only fans being those who came of age in the late 90’s, she sought to connect further by doing what wealthy white ladies do best. Sell essential oils in their living rooms. And thus, Goop was born.
Goop was originally launched in September 2008 as a weekly newsletter about health, wellness, and other new age advice. She later added a lifestyle website, which was followed by e-commerce, collaborations with fashion brands, pop-up shops, a "wellness summit", a print magazine, a podcast, and a docu-series for Netflix. Overall, the company is worth about 250 million and is still growing. At this point the online shopping possibilities have taken over the newsletter, but many people do still use the website for information. Information such as, what is the quickest way to spend 1000 bucks on things I don't need and probably will never use do to their incredible value? On their recommended section, called “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Picks”, items range from a few hundred to over 20,000 dollars, but most end up being high quality but INCREDIBLY overpriced clothing and seemingly untested cosmetics and supplements. Supplements such as “High School Genes”, promising a higher metabolism, and maybe some good old fashioned teenage angst, depression, and crippling anxiety to go along with it. Among the variety of prohibitively expensive products and medically dubious, if not outright dangerous, therapeutic treatments, Goop markets items such as a $75 “vagina scented” candle and a $245 toothpaste squeezer. Yes, a toothpaste squeezer. There are also items such as $600 dollar toilet paper, 125k gold dumbbells, 55k headphones, a custom “plant music installation”, and a 250k trip to space. Overall, Goop is known for marketing alternative wellness products with questionable scientific backing.
Goop was originally launched in September 2008 as a weekly newsletter about health, wellness, and other new age advice. She later added a lifestyle website, which was followed by e-commerce, collaborations with fashion brands, pop-up shops, a "wellness summit", a print magazine, a podcast, and a docu-series for Netflix. Overall, the company is worth about 250 million and is still growing. At this point the online shopping possibilities have taken over the newsletter, but many people do still use the website for information. Information such as, what is the quickest way to spend 1000 bucks on things I don't need and probably will never use do to their incredible value? On their recommended section, called “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Picks”, items range from a few hundred to over 20,000 dollars, but most end up being high quality but INCREDIBLY overpriced clothing and seemingly untested cosmetics and supplements. Supplements such as “High School Genes”, promising a higher metabolism, and maybe some good old fashioned teenage angst, depression, and crippling anxiety to go along with it. Among the variety of prohibitively expensive products and medically dubious, if not outright dangerous, therapeutic treatments, Goop markets items such as a $75 “vagina scented” candle and a $245 toothpaste squeezer. Yes, a toothpaste squeezer. There are also items such as $600 dollar toilet paper, 125k gold dumbbells, 55k headphones, a custom “plant music installation”, and a 250k trip to space. Overall, Goop is known for marketing alternative wellness products with questionable scientific backing.
Throughout their tenure Goop has faced multiple controversies, namely a recent settlement when they agreed to pay 145,000 in civil penalties after claiming that their $66 vaginal eggs balance hormones and increase bladder control. They also have to refund anyone who bought an egg, or an essential oil marketed to “cure” depression. They will now be barred from “making any claims regarding the efficacy of its products without possessing competent and reliable scientific evidence, and from manufacturing or selling any misbranded, unapproved, or falsely-advertised medical devices”. Goop has also promoted dangerous or unhealthy treatments such as bee venom therapy (which has been fatal), vaginal steaming (risk of second degree burns, “space suit stickers” that would “vibrate” at the user’s frequency (literally just stickers, they weren't even made of the same material as spaceships), and, of course, the idea that you can hurt water’s feelings.
Most recently, Goop and Gwyneth Paltrow have reentered the public eye due to their new netflix show, The Goop Lab. It is a six episode docu-series, centered around wellness and healing. Throughout the 3 hours of programming, this show conquers the pseudoscientific topics of energy healing, the use of psychedelic drugs, exorcisms, cold therapy, anti-aging and female sexuality. Although at the beginning of each episode, the Goop and Netflix lawyers had them state that the show was created to “entertain and inform”, but people will tend to be overly trusting when faced with a rich white woman claiming to know how to fix all their problems. Among many claims made, Paltrow continues her legacy of making unsound claims to her rather large fanbase by suggesting that vampire facials can make you look younger (unfounded, but clients have contracted HIV from the procedure), that “intuitive” people can talk to the dead, and that energy healing is even a thing at all.
Overall, this is the story of a rich white woman who posed herself the question, how can I become richer? And perhaps whiter? Searching for a way to be more than just a pretty face, she decided to branch out. Throughout a lackluster career of playing a series of forgettable love interests, even when she was the star of the show, she has lived a life steeped in highly successful mediocrity, and her brand reflects that. You’re paying money for a brand you would never want to show off, and for a product that does essentially nothing. If you really want to be connected to the great Gwyneth Paltrow in some way, just buy her damn autograph. And maybe add on some psychic vampire repellent, only 27.00 USD on GOOP. Just to salvage any sort of positive energy left after such a purchase. Maybe, in the end, the only true vampire was Paltrow herself, sucking away your time, your money, your self confidence. She does have a sort of unnatural youthful glow.