 | "Stressing out about Grades, stealing things from teachers, and seeking self assurance: the students of OSA ask for advice in their wild years of adolescence." -Drama Queen |
Dear Drama Queen,
I have a huge problem that’s both academic but also personal. So, I’m a huge overachiever, I don’t know how to stop. My mindset is “A-pluses or complete failure.” If I feel like if I’m not doing 100%, I don’t want to try at all. This is very detrimental because now all my grades are F’s or A’s. I don’t know how to accept anything other than those two. Any words of advice?
-Send Help
Dear Send Help,
You are stressing yourself out! It’s very easy to get caught up in the immense hype and pressure of the grading system. The bottom line is, grades don’t actually matter, but you want to get good enough grades that you can do whatever you want to after high school. Go talk to Mr. Rosenberg, he’ll give you a mildly entertaining speech about it. But don’t get him started unless you have three free hours to burn.
You need to change your ways. If you work yourself to death, you will waste your life and jeopardize your mental health. If you completely give up, you will jeopardize your future when it comes to college and job opportunities. Right now you are doing both, which is the worst thing you could do for yourself right now.
You must change your habits. For example, if there is a class that you have F’s in that you always de-prioritize, I implore you to try doing the homework for that class before any other work. Don’t expend all of your energy on that one assignment. Put in effort, but when you feel yourself going into perfectionist mode, move on to the next assignment. It’s all about time management! You need to learn to find a balance between A’s and F’s and caring for your quality of life in the present and future. Don’t neglect your work for any of your classes and don’t pressure yourself to get A’s on everything, that is frankly unrealistic.
Make sure you do not spend huge amounts of time on each assignment. This will ensure that you have time to do the things you actually enjoy after school, instead of just homework. Draw yourself a (warm, but not too hot) bath and light some charming fall-themed Bath and Body Works candles. Take a long walk on the beach. Get naked, scream to Metallica. Go on a meditation retreat. Listen to recordings of whale noises or the soothing sounds of the rainforest and give yourself a little back massage, but pretend you are in Hawaii and it is a paid professional who is giving you the back rub. Anything you gotta do to relax.
Love,
Drama Queen
Dear Drama Queen,
I have a huge problem that’s both academic but also personal. So, I’m a huge overachiever, I don’t know how to stop. My mindset is “A-pluses or complete failure.” If I feel like if I’m not doing 100%, I don’t want to try at all. This is very detrimental because now all my grades are F’s or A’s. I don’t know how to accept anything other than those two. Any words of advice?
-Send Help
Dear Send Help,
You are stressing yourself out! It’s very easy to get caught up in the immense hype and pressure of the grading system. The bottom line is, grades don’t actually matter, but you want to get good enough grades that you can do whatever you want to after high school. Go talk to Mr. Rosenberg, he’ll give you a mildly entertaining speech about it. But don’t get him started unless you have three free hours to burn.
You need to change your ways. If you work yourself to death, you will waste your life and jeopardize your mental health. If you completely give up, you will jeopardize your future when it comes to college and job opportunities. Right now you are doing both, which is the worst thing you could do for yourself right now.
You must change your habits. For example, if there is a class that you have F’s in that you always de-prioritize, I implore you to try doing the homework for that class before any other work. Don’t expend all of your energy on that one assignment. Put in effort, but when you feel yourself going into perfectionist mode, move on to the next assignment. It’s all about time management! You need to learn to find a balance between A’s and F’s and caring for your quality of life in the present and future. Don’t neglect your work for any of your classes and don’t pressure yourself to get A’s on everything, that is frankly unrealistic.
Make sure you do not spend huge amounts of time on each assignment. This will ensure that you have time to do the things you actually enjoy after school, instead of just homework. Draw yourself a (warm, but not too hot) bath and light some charming fall-themed Bath and Body Works candles. Take a long walk on the beach. Get naked, scream to Metallica. Go on a meditation retreat. Listen to recordings of whale noises or the soothing sounds of the rainforest and give yourself a little back massage, but pretend you are in Hawaii and it is a paid professional who is giving you the back rub. Anything you gotta do to relax.
Love,
Drama Queen
The Wet Bandits from the American classic, Home Alone. Dear Drama Queen,
I always get yelled at by my teachers to stop stealing their stuff. How can I make the terror end?
Thanks,
Kleptomaniac
Dear Kleptomaniac,
The simple way to stop being yelled at for stealing is, indeed, to stop stealing. Stealing from teachers is particularly unwise. A good rule of thumb is if you see something you want to take, first ask yourself, “does that belong to someone who could write my letter of recommendation for college?” and if the answer is yes, I beg you to restrain yourself.
If the problem is that you literally are a kleptomaniac and cannot stop stealing, then you should tell that to each of your teachers so they understand that it is not a voluntary act of disrespect. Also tell Mr. Oz, he’s a nice guy and will help you out however he can. When it comes to issues of mental health, OSA is extremely decent and forgiving, and you will probably end up okay.
If you are not, however, an actual kleptomaniac, and do it just for fun, then that’s different. What are you really gaining? I assume you’re not hot wiring Ms. Harris’ Bentley or taking Ms. Kindblad’s wallet. The most you could really get away with is maybe stealing Mr. Travisano’s lunch box. Is a yogurt cup and a Lean Cuisine really worth it for you??
Try your best to stop taking things and remedy your relationships with your teachers. Usually, a sincere apology and a Whole Foods gift card is enough to get back on the path of success.
Good luck!
Drama Queen
I always get yelled at by my teachers to stop stealing their stuff. How can I make the terror end?
Thanks,
Kleptomaniac
Dear Kleptomaniac,
The simple way to stop being yelled at for stealing is, indeed, to stop stealing. Stealing from teachers is particularly unwise. A good rule of thumb is if you see something you want to take, first ask yourself, “does that belong to someone who could write my letter of recommendation for college?” and if the answer is yes, I beg you to restrain yourself.
If the problem is that you literally are a kleptomaniac and cannot stop stealing, then you should tell that to each of your teachers so they understand that it is not a voluntary act of disrespect. Also tell Mr. Oz, he’s a nice guy and will help you out however he can. When it comes to issues of mental health, OSA is extremely decent and forgiving, and you will probably end up okay.
If you are not, however, an actual kleptomaniac, and do it just for fun, then that’s different. What are you really gaining? I assume you’re not hot wiring Ms. Harris’ Bentley or taking Ms. Kindblad’s wallet. The most you could really get away with is maybe stealing Mr. Travisano’s lunch box. Is a yogurt cup and a Lean Cuisine really worth it for you??
Try your best to stop taking things and remedy your relationships with your teachers. Usually, a sincere apology and a Whole Foods gift card is enough to get back on the path of success.
Good luck!
Drama Queen
Thanks Justin Dear Drama Queen,
At times I feel like I seek too much validation from others, especially boys. How do I learn to be a strong, independent, vivacious woman and stop worrying what people think of me?
Dear Strong, Independent, Vivacious Woman,
Boy, do we all relate to this. I have found that most people consciously or unconsciously split themselves into two basic parts: their external selves and their internal selves.
Our external selves are how we act when people are around. The opinions we express, the way we dress. It’s all the stuff that we put out for people to see, how we present ourselves for them to judge.
Our internal selves are all of our TRUE thoughts, feelings, preferences. We usually keep most of this inside of us, or only show some of it to close friends or family out of a fear of rejection. We are all very scared of revealing our internal selves to someone and having them think we are unappealing. It’s very common.
An important thing to distinguish is that the external self is very easily and frequently faked, but it doesn't have to be. The key to being truly strong and independent is eventually (with a lot of work and practice) making your internal and external self the same. For example, if someone (or in your case, a boy you like) is talking about how they thought the movie Happy Feet was stupid, but that movie changed your goddamn life, you may have an urge to hide your love for that movie so you stay cool in their eyes. Instead, use these types of moments to make your internal and external self match up, and say how much you loved that movie. This is easier said than done, so you really have to become aware and self reflective. See every interaction as an opportunity to reintroduce yourself as authentically as you can. Ask yourself, why did I do that? Did I do it because I genuinely wanted to do it, or did I do it to get the approval of someone else?
When you start doing this, you will find that instead of chasing people, they will begin to come to you. People are attracted to authenticity. What you may notice is that the people you work so hard to win over are actually incompatible with your true self--meanwhile people you hadn't noticed before will start coming into your life. When you are really being yourself, you find people you actually enjoy because they are more compatible with your real personality. This doesn't mean you should cut off anyone who doesn't LOVE Happy Feet, just recognize that the people you chase may not actually be worth it or that much fun for you to be around.
Another important way to stop seeking others approval is to learn to approve of yourself. This can be hard, a lot of people hate themselves. You have to learn to find things about yourself that you like, and avoid comparing yourself to others. If practiced daily, after a while, this can become a natural habit. Fake it until you make it, and start treating yourself like you are already liked by everyone. Recognize your own inherent worth, which you undeniably have, as does everyone.
Go get em,
Drama Queen
At times I feel like I seek too much validation from others, especially boys. How do I learn to be a strong, independent, vivacious woman and stop worrying what people think of me?
Dear Strong, Independent, Vivacious Woman,
Boy, do we all relate to this. I have found that most people consciously or unconsciously split themselves into two basic parts: their external selves and their internal selves.
Our external selves are how we act when people are around. The opinions we express, the way we dress. It’s all the stuff that we put out for people to see, how we present ourselves for them to judge.
Our internal selves are all of our TRUE thoughts, feelings, preferences. We usually keep most of this inside of us, or only show some of it to close friends or family out of a fear of rejection. We are all very scared of revealing our internal selves to someone and having them think we are unappealing. It’s very common.
An important thing to distinguish is that the external self is very easily and frequently faked, but it doesn't have to be. The key to being truly strong and independent is eventually (with a lot of work and practice) making your internal and external self the same. For example, if someone (or in your case, a boy you like) is talking about how they thought the movie Happy Feet was stupid, but that movie changed your goddamn life, you may have an urge to hide your love for that movie so you stay cool in their eyes. Instead, use these types of moments to make your internal and external self match up, and say how much you loved that movie. This is easier said than done, so you really have to become aware and self reflective. See every interaction as an opportunity to reintroduce yourself as authentically as you can. Ask yourself, why did I do that? Did I do it because I genuinely wanted to do it, or did I do it to get the approval of someone else?
When you start doing this, you will find that instead of chasing people, they will begin to come to you. People are attracted to authenticity. What you may notice is that the people you work so hard to win over are actually incompatible with your true self--meanwhile people you hadn't noticed before will start coming into your life. When you are really being yourself, you find people you actually enjoy because they are more compatible with your real personality. This doesn't mean you should cut off anyone who doesn't LOVE Happy Feet, just recognize that the people you chase may not actually be worth it or that much fun for you to be around.
Another important way to stop seeking others approval is to learn to approve of yourself. This can be hard, a lot of people hate themselves. You have to learn to find things about yourself that you like, and avoid comparing yourself to others. If practiced daily, after a while, this can become a natural habit. Fake it until you make it, and start treating yourself like you are already liked by everyone. Recognize your own inherent worth, which you undeniably have, as does everyone.
Go get em,
Drama Queen