"Recently there has been an eclipse, as we all know, but recent studies show that it wasn't actually real since how could it be if we, the people of california didn't see it? Scientists from around here have been trying to prove that it was real, but some still push back."--Domino H.c., 6th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
On April 8th, 2024 there was a rare total solar eclipse that was supposedly seen by many states in the east and the majority of the southern states. Oddly enough, the solar eclipse was not visible in many areas of the U.S., including the state of California.
A consequence of this, is a large number of California residents claiming that the Solar Eclipse simply isn’t real. While many scientists try to explain to the masses the science behind why they couldn’t see the eclipse in the Bay, it just doesn’t seem to work.
“Well you know, the sun and the moon are just moving in different places and you couldn’t see it this year because well… like it just wasn’t feeling the position of California, ‘dunno what tell you,” explained renowned scientist Mayd Phnayme.
On the other hand, the oppositional “anti-solar eclipse” team argues how the sun and moon could not be up to it, if they’ve got the entire solar system to support them.
Sarah Cettfaw, a middle aged, caucasian woman living in Haight-Ashbury, who thinks the amount of followers she has on Facebook, means anything at all, argues, “I just don’t get it, like, if you have that many other planet buddies, or rather what you conformists call the ‘solar system’ why couldn’t they just persuade the sun and moon? Like make it make sense. I’ve already got five hundred followers on my Facebook account supporting me and this movement. Why can’t eight planets do the same with the moon and sun, like just give them a little nudge, hello? That's how friendship works?”
In case you were wondering, yes, there are people stuck in the middle of this argument. A student at Harvard, Stephen Goodchild, says,“I really don’t know anymore, it's just a really controversial topic. Like, of course scientists have backed up the Solar Eclipse actually happening, but the Califronians didn’t see it. I just–I don’t know. I’m kind of uncomfortable speaking about this matter.”
As you may be able to tell, Goodchild is quite the academic and bold type when it comes to his education. But of course, Mr. Mayd Phnayme has a follow up statement to even things out, he states as a response to Sarah Cettfaw’s argument
“But also, you see many people who live around Haight-Ashbury have an odd sense of the solar system because there is a contamination of air around that part of town, we call it hippies air, which is from you know the culture there. But I can insure you that the Solar Eclipse is real, the sun and moon just get a little stingy about California sometimes.”
I think that's enough talking for you today Mr. Mayd Phnayme.
On April 8th, 2024 there was a rare total solar eclipse that was supposedly seen by many states in the east and the majority of the southern states. Oddly enough, the solar eclipse was not visible in many areas of the U.S., including the state of California.
A consequence of this, is a large number of California residents claiming that the Solar Eclipse simply isn’t real. While many scientists try to explain to the masses the science behind why they couldn’t see the eclipse in the Bay, it just doesn’t seem to work.
“Well you know, the sun and the moon are just moving in different places and you couldn’t see it this year because well… like it just wasn’t feeling the position of California, ‘dunno what tell you,” explained renowned scientist Mayd Phnayme.
On the other hand, the oppositional “anti-solar eclipse” team argues how the sun and moon could not be up to it, if they’ve got the entire solar system to support them.
Sarah Cettfaw, a middle aged, caucasian woman living in Haight-Ashbury, who thinks the amount of followers she has on Facebook, means anything at all, argues, “I just don’t get it, like, if you have that many other planet buddies, or rather what you conformists call the ‘solar system’ why couldn’t they just persuade the sun and moon? Like make it make sense. I’ve already got five hundred followers on my Facebook account supporting me and this movement. Why can’t eight planets do the same with the moon and sun, like just give them a little nudge, hello? That's how friendship works?”
In case you were wondering, yes, there are people stuck in the middle of this argument. A student at Harvard, Stephen Goodchild, says,“I really don’t know anymore, it's just a really controversial topic. Like, of course scientists have backed up the Solar Eclipse actually happening, but the Califronians didn’t see it. I just–I don’t know. I’m kind of uncomfortable speaking about this matter.”
As you may be able to tell, Goodchild is quite the academic and bold type when it comes to his education. But of course, Mr. Mayd Phnayme has a follow up statement to even things out, he states as a response to Sarah Cettfaw’s argument
“But also, you see many people who live around Haight-Ashbury have an odd sense of the solar system because there is a contamination of air around that part of town, we call it hippies air, which is from you know the culture there. But I can insure you that the Solar Eclipse is real, the sun and moon just get a little stingy about California sometimes.”
I think that's enough talking for you today Mr. Mayd Phnayme.
