“People of Oakland, run while you still can. The government has made the decision that will be the end of us all! As of May 1, three months after her discovery, the Oakland Zoo became the home of the monstrous t-rex, Clara. So far, she has already eaten a bison and a California Condor. What could be next? Who could be next? Could you be next?” -- Zara Quiter, Sixth Grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
People of Oakland, run while you still can. The government has made the decision that will be the end of us all! As of May 1, three months after her discovery, the Oakland Zoo became the home of the monstrous t-rex, Clara. So far, she has already eaten a bison and a California Condor. What could be next? Who could be next? Could you be next?
To prepare for the worst, everyone should be clear on what Clara looks like. She’s enormous, and has a mixture of brown, green, and dull red scales. Assuming she’s the only t-rex in existence today, she should be easy to recognize. And most importantly, if you see her outside of her designated area, flee!
Dr. Featherface, a professional in Ornithology (the study of birds), and Dr. Scalyclaws, a world renowned Herpetologist (someone who studies reptiles) have joined together to take care of Clara. “Although the previous incident is concerning, we feel certain Clara can adjust to a life in captivity. After all, it’s not safe for Clara – or anyone – to be out in the wild.” Dr. Featherface said. “Clara’s diet and space have been the most challenging part of caring for her. The hills are running out of roadkill at an alarming rate, which is surprising! And, although the government purchased more land, so we could give Clara some space, it’s still not enough, just like how it is for most animals living in zoos.”
Dr. Scalyclaws agreed with his partner. “Clara needs to be taken care of – hunters would die until Clara was shot down, and then her scales would be sold to the highest bidder.” Dr. Scalyclaws continues, “When Clara was found, the world seemed fractured. Dinosaurs should be extinct! But I’m very grateful that Dr Featherface and I were given the opportunity to take care of such a magnificent creature.”
Teen volunteer Layla Notdinosaur feels differently about the new addition to the zoo. “It concerns me that such a dangerous creature is so close to me. She’s already escaped once!” Notdinosaur said. “I don’t feel safe working at the Oakland Zoo anymore.”
Notdinosaur had to do the unfortunate task of feeding Clara once. “I had to suit up with layers of armor!” Notdinosaur exclaimed. “It was horrifying. I had to sneak in while Clara was asleep… This can’t go on! Clara should be moved out of Oakland, or humans should!”
Sadie Mcmanon, a seventh grader in Production Design, said, “I love the idea of being able to see Clara but I do wish that she couldn’t get so close to you in her enclosure.” McManon also said, “I don’t think that the way she is being kept and her proximity to zoo goers is safe.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the lock on her enclosure is chewed off and suddenly a giraffe is missing! I don’t think we know enough about the species to be keeping her in such a small space.” McManon said, “I think that if the government has kept it a secret for years and years and we only found out by one escaping or some other accident then I would be upset but because they only kept it a secret for a few months (probably for our own safety) and announced to us then I think it’s ok.”
Hannah Adams, sixth grade OSA student in theater, also feels like she’s in danger. “I don’t really feel safe about a dinosaur being so close to me. I live right across from the Oakland Zoo so that big dinosaur could eat me!” Adams said. “I think a dinosaur should not be kept in a normal zoo- I think it should be kept in Area 51!”
“I’m a little nervous about it, I think that it’s dangerous. But I’m also kind of excited because there is a dinosaur in the city I live in which is pretty cool.” Mila Boyden, seventh grade student in Literary Arts said. “I think it’s not really fair to the other animals, especially since Clara has already eaten a bison. I feel like it’s a danger to the animals, and everyone around Clara. I think she needs to be kept somewhere safer.”
“She could eat another bison, she could eat a giraffe. She could possibly eat a person! I think she’s a big safety hazard. She’s obviously very dangerous. I feel like she’s endangering everybody around her.” Boyden predicts. Boyden’s thoughts on the government keeping this a secret are, “I’m not very happy about this. I feel like it's a little concerning that they found a dinosaur that we have believed to be extinct for millions of years, and then it showed up at a local zoo out of nowhere. I think that’s shady, and something the government shouldn’t be able to do.”
Zoo Goer Maya Scaredycat was there when Clara broke free. “It was horrifying! People were running everywhere, and I got separated from my friend.” Scaredycat thinks back. “Luckily, I wasn’t in the part of the zoo where Clara was near.”
Dr. Featherface said, “Luckily we were able to keep Clara away from the crowds. We have a very strict evacuation plan, so no one was hurt.” Featherface continues, “The one vulnerability was the gondola, but Clara wanted the bison and not a big metal tower so the people on the gondola were safe.”
“We have added more extreme measures to make sure Clara stays in her space.” Dr. Scalyclaws said.
Aside from all of the drama in Oakland, Clara has been sparking problems all over the world. When she was discovered, the government came to the unanimous decision to keep Clara on the “hush hush” for as long as they could. Then, on April 30, the announcement was made. “A t-rex has been found on the west coast of Australia, and it will now have a home at the Oakland Zoo unless problems arise.” President Biden said.
No one has been injured yet, but other incidents have occurred. As mentioned before, one of the zoo’s bison and California Condor has become a dinosaur snack. Also, overly excited small children have run up to the enclosure and been traumatized by Clara’s loud roars and large, snapping teeth.
Unfortunately, unless a human being is injured, Clara isn’t moving. Although she is a phenomenon the modern world thought would never be seen by human eyes, she is also a danger to us all. And even more concerning, no one knows where she came from. Questions start to arise. Are more dinosaurs coming? Could more have already been found? We won’t know, unless another one does show up. So for now, stay safe and don’t go looking for dinos!
People of Oakland, run while you still can. The government has made the decision that will be the end of us all! As of May 1, three months after her discovery, the Oakland Zoo became the home of the monstrous t-rex, Clara. So far, she has already eaten a bison and a California Condor. What could be next? Who could be next? Could you be next?
To prepare for the worst, everyone should be clear on what Clara looks like. She’s enormous, and has a mixture of brown, green, and dull red scales. Assuming she’s the only t-rex in existence today, she should be easy to recognize. And most importantly, if you see her outside of her designated area, flee!
Dr. Featherface, a professional in Ornithology (the study of birds), and Dr. Scalyclaws, a world renowned Herpetologist (someone who studies reptiles) have joined together to take care of Clara. “Although the previous incident is concerning, we feel certain Clara can adjust to a life in captivity. After all, it’s not safe for Clara – or anyone – to be out in the wild.” Dr. Featherface said. “Clara’s diet and space have been the most challenging part of caring for her. The hills are running out of roadkill at an alarming rate, which is surprising! And, although the government purchased more land, so we could give Clara some space, it’s still not enough, just like how it is for most animals living in zoos.”
Dr. Scalyclaws agreed with his partner. “Clara needs to be taken care of – hunters would die until Clara was shot down, and then her scales would be sold to the highest bidder.” Dr. Scalyclaws continues, “When Clara was found, the world seemed fractured. Dinosaurs should be extinct! But I’m very grateful that Dr Featherface and I were given the opportunity to take care of such a magnificent creature.”
Teen volunteer Layla Notdinosaur feels differently about the new addition to the zoo. “It concerns me that such a dangerous creature is so close to me. She’s already escaped once!” Notdinosaur said. “I don’t feel safe working at the Oakland Zoo anymore.”
Notdinosaur had to do the unfortunate task of feeding Clara once. “I had to suit up with layers of armor!” Notdinosaur exclaimed. “It was horrifying. I had to sneak in while Clara was asleep… This can’t go on! Clara should be moved out of Oakland, or humans should!”
Sadie Mcmanon, a seventh grader in Production Design, said, “I love the idea of being able to see Clara but I do wish that she couldn’t get so close to you in her enclosure.” McManon also said, “I don’t think that the way she is being kept and her proximity to zoo goers is safe.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the lock on her enclosure is chewed off and suddenly a giraffe is missing! I don’t think we know enough about the species to be keeping her in such a small space.” McManon said, “I think that if the government has kept it a secret for years and years and we only found out by one escaping or some other accident then I would be upset but because they only kept it a secret for a few months (probably for our own safety) and announced to us then I think it’s ok.”
Hannah Adams, sixth grade OSA student in theater, also feels like she’s in danger. “I don’t really feel safe about a dinosaur being so close to me. I live right across from the Oakland Zoo so that big dinosaur could eat me!” Adams said. “I think a dinosaur should not be kept in a normal zoo- I think it should be kept in Area 51!”
“I’m a little nervous about it, I think that it’s dangerous. But I’m also kind of excited because there is a dinosaur in the city I live in which is pretty cool.” Mila Boyden, seventh grade student in Literary Arts said. “I think it’s not really fair to the other animals, especially since Clara has already eaten a bison. I feel like it’s a danger to the animals, and everyone around Clara. I think she needs to be kept somewhere safer.”
“She could eat another bison, she could eat a giraffe. She could possibly eat a person! I think she’s a big safety hazard. She’s obviously very dangerous. I feel like she’s endangering everybody around her.” Boyden predicts. Boyden’s thoughts on the government keeping this a secret are, “I’m not very happy about this. I feel like it's a little concerning that they found a dinosaur that we have believed to be extinct for millions of years, and then it showed up at a local zoo out of nowhere. I think that’s shady, and something the government shouldn’t be able to do.”
Zoo Goer Maya Scaredycat was there when Clara broke free. “It was horrifying! People were running everywhere, and I got separated from my friend.” Scaredycat thinks back. “Luckily, I wasn’t in the part of the zoo where Clara was near.”
Dr. Featherface said, “Luckily we were able to keep Clara away from the crowds. We have a very strict evacuation plan, so no one was hurt.” Featherface continues, “The one vulnerability was the gondola, but Clara wanted the bison and not a big metal tower so the people on the gondola were safe.”
“We have added more extreme measures to make sure Clara stays in her space.” Dr. Scalyclaws said.
Aside from all of the drama in Oakland, Clara has been sparking problems all over the world. When she was discovered, the government came to the unanimous decision to keep Clara on the “hush hush” for as long as they could. Then, on April 30, the announcement was made. “A t-rex has been found on the west coast of Australia, and it will now have a home at the Oakland Zoo unless problems arise.” President Biden said.
No one has been injured yet, but other incidents have occurred. As mentioned before, one of the zoo’s bison and California Condor has become a dinosaur snack. Also, overly excited small children have run up to the enclosure and been traumatized by Clara’s loud roars and large, snapping teeth.
Unfortunately, unless a human being is injured, Clara isn’t moving. Although she is a phenomenon the modern world thought would never be seen by human eyes, she is also a danger to us all. And even more concerning, no one knows where she came from. Questions start to arise. Are more dinosaurs coming? Could more have already been found? We won’t know, unless another one does show up. So for now, stay safe and don’t go looking for dinos!
