Have you ever been in the teachers’ lounge? Probably not. In this article, we will uncover what the teachers’ lounge really looks like, what luxuries the teachers may have, and where they got the money for what some are calling the “Palace de Professeurs.”-- Violet regilio , 6th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
Have you ever been in the teachers’ lounge? Probably not. In this article, we will uncover what the teachers’ lounge really looks like, what luxuries the teachers may have, and where they got the money for what some are calling the “Palace de Professeurs.”
“I did a small trade with my math teacher, I gave them In-N-Out in exchange to hang out in the teachers’ lounge,” explains Zenovia Sanders, an OSA student. “When I went in I only got a sneak peak before Ms Hernandez told me I couldn’t be in there. All I saw was a cheese fondue fountain in the middle of the room.”
Rob Robbity Bob, an OSA staff member, agreed to be interviewed about the teachers’ lounge If I bought him a jumbo pack of Snickers.
“People think it’s a couple of chairs, a desk, one or two microwaves, and a dirty grey carpet… But it’s not. I’m not supposed to give out this information but I really want those Snickers. The carpet is made out of silk and the table is made out of the most expensive wood in the world: Agarwood. ANYWAYS we get into the room with a scanner that scans our eyes. This makes sure we’re not a student. And I swear on my life I have NO idea how they got that money!”
I asked another staff member, named Ms. ABCDEFG, for more information. She said that the school is stealing the school funds to buy incredible things. She said that the Dufwin was actually 10 dollars but the school said it was around $2 million so they could use the rest of the money to buy more things for the teacher's lounge. Ms. ABCDEFG also said that some students who’ve found out about the things they had in the teachers’ lounge have tried to get in using many strategies.
“One of the students last year found out about our hot cheese fondue fountain and this kid was a sucker for cheese fondue, so they tried to get in using different methods and techniques,” she explained. “Once they were at the door of the teacher's lounge, and they were wearing one of those detective coats, and they were very obviously sitting on another student’s shoulders, pretending to be an adult. And this only happens in movies, is what I thought… and clearly that’s where this student got their ideas, because the day after that the student tried to bribe me. But I wouldn’t let that happen.”
I decided to do a further investigation for myself. I paid a secret student spy to go into the teacher's lounge and report back to me. They gave me a long list of things that were in there, including: An ice cream shop with employees, an elevator leading up to a planetarium, a storage unit, a nice guest room, the kidnapped actor Timothee Chalamet, a stage where they host live concerts and shows, a rocketship in the process of building, a boxing ring for the secret underground student gladiator matches, a hot cheese fondue fountain, a coffee bar, an elevator leading up to a patio, and a 370 inch TV.
Later on, a student reported witnessing staff member Lance Baconman being taken to a police interrogation room because he revealed too much about the school's shenanigans, with stealing the school funds, to his friend, Johnny Depp Junior, who turned out to be an undercover cop.
Baconman reported to the police that not only is OSA stealing our own school funds, but also some of the teachers are robbing banks to get money for the teachers lounge. Fortunately Baconman wasn’t involved in the scheme, he only knew about it, so he was let go after 90 minutes in custody.
“I always had heard a rumor about a student seeing Ms. ABCDEFG run out of a bank doing the Naruto run while holding a bag of cash, but I had never thought it was true!” says OSA student Ariel Perez, stunned at the news of teacher robberies. OSA has yet to respond to the allegations, meanwhile investigations are still ongoing.
Have you ever been in the teachers’ lounge? Probably not. In this article, we will uncover what the teachers’ lounge really looks like, what luxuries the teachers may have, and where they got the money for what some are calling the “Palace de Professeurs.”
“I did a small trade with my math teacher, I gave them In-N-Out in exchange to hang out in the teachers’ lounge,” explains Zenovia Sanders, an OSA student. “When I went in I only got a sneak peak before Ms Hernandez told me I couldn’t be in there. All I saw was a cheese fondue fountain in the middle of the room.”
Rob Robbity Bob, an OSA staff member, agreed to be interviewed about the teachers’ lounge If I bought him a jumbo pack of Snickers.
“People think it’s a couple of chairs, a desk, one or two microwaves, and a dirty grey carpet… But it’s not. I’m not supposed to give out this information but I really want those Snickers. The carpet is made out of silk and the table is made out of the most expensive wood in the world: Agarwood. ANYWAYS we get into the room with a scanner that scans our eyes. This makes sure we’re not a student. And I swear on my life I have NO idea how they got that money!”
I asked another staff member, named Ms. ABCDEFG, for more information. She said that the school is stealing the school funds to buy incredible things. She said that the Dufwin was actually 10 dollars but the school said it was around $2 million so they could use the rest of the money to buy more things for the teacher's lounge. Ms. ABCDEFG also said that some students who’ve found out about the things they had in the teachers’ lounge have tried to get in using many strategies.
“One of the students last year found out about our hot cheese fondue fountain and this kid was a sucker for cheese fondue, so they tried to get in using different methods and techniques,” she explained. “Once they were at the door of the teacher's lounge, and they were wearing one of those detective coats, and they were very obviously sitting on another student’s shoulders, pretending to be an adult. And this only happens in movies, is what I thought… and clearly that’s where this student got their ideas, because the day after that the student tried to bribe me. But I wouldn’t let that happen.”
I decided to do a further investigation for myself. I paid a secret student spy to go into the teacher's lounge and report back to me. They gave me a long list of things that were in there, including: An ice cream shop with employees, an elevator leading up to a planetarium, a storage unit, a nice guest room, the kidnapped actor Timothee Chalamet, a stage where they host live concerts and shows, a rocketship in the process of building, a boxing ring for the secret underground student gladiator matches, a hot cheese fondue fountain, a coffee bar, an elevator leading up to a patio, and a 370 inch TV.
Later on, a student reported witnessing staff member Lance Baconman being taken to a police interrogation room because he revealed too much about the school's shenanigans, with stealing the school funds, to his friend, Johnny Depp Junior, who turned out to be an undercover cop.
Baconman reported to the police that not only is OSA stealing our own school funds, but also some of the teachers are robbing banks to get money for the teachers lounge. Fortunately Baconman wasn’t involved in the scheme, he only knew about it, so he was let go after 90 minutes in custody.
“I always had heard a rumor about a student seeing Ms. ABCDEFG run out of a bank doing the Naruto run while holding a bag of cash, but I had never thought it was true!” says OSA student Ariel Perez, stunned at the news of teacher robberies. OSA has yet to respond to the allegations, meanwhile investigations are still ongoing.