"On April 1st, a 3-year-old chihuahua, “Mr. Snuggles,” escaped from his household with a knife, and began terrorizing the nation after being called a “smol, cute bean” one too many times." - logan bergmark 7th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
On April 1st, a 3-year-old chihuahua, “Mr. Snuggles,” escaped from his household with a knife, and began terrorizing the nation after being called a “smol, cute bean” one too many times. He was later found pulling his knife from the stomach of his owner Alan Rheum. Mr. Snuggles then trotted off merrily, before Animal Control could catch him.
Later that day, Mr. Snuggles stabbed Georgette Winfield, an innocent bystander deep in the shin on 5th street. “I thought it was a stray, I called it cute, and it stabbed me. If it was taller, it would have killed me,” Winfield stated in the hospital a day before dying of infection. Another victim, Alston Apercu died of blood loss due to a deep wound on their foot, with Mr. Snuggles’ paw prints, marked in blood, leading away from the crime scene. This makes his third kill.
Animal Control Officer, Afton Personae, managed to find Mr. Snuggles, but was stabbed in the kidney trying to pick up the chihuahua, and has since gotten an infection. It is unclear if Personae will survive.
“I don’t get all the commotion, it’s just a chihuahua, someone is probably lying to get away with murder by blaming an animal,” Erwin Levirate stated.
On April 1st, a 3-year-old chihuahua, “Mr. Snuggles,” escaped from his household with a knife, and began terrorizing the nation after being called a “smol, cute bean” one too many times. He was later found pulling his knife from the stomach of his owner Alan Rheum. Mr. Snuggles then trotted off merrily, before Animal Control could catch him.
Later that day, Mr. Snuggles stabbed Georgette Winfield, an innocent bystander deep in the shin on 5th street. “I thought it was a stray, I called it cute, and it stabbed me. If it was taller, it would have killed me,” Winfield stated in the hospital a day before dying of infection. Another victim, Alston Apercu died of blood loss due to a deep wound on their foot, with Mr. Snuggles’ paw prints, marked in blood, leading away from the crime scene. This makes his third kill.
Animal Control Officer, Afton Personae, managed to find Mr. Snuggles, but was stabbed in the kidney trying to pick up the chihuahua, and has since gotten an infection. It is unclear if Personae will survive.
“I don’t get all the commotion, it’s just a chihuahua, someone is probably lying to get away with murder by blaming an animal,” Erwin Levirate stated.
“I believe it to be true. Chihuahuas are full of the necessary malice, and probably forethought. I’m worried the chihuahua will team up with a lovebird, they have no soul!!” confides Reuven Wittier, known to have ornithophobia (fear of birds) after witnessing the attack of Personae.
Mr. Snuggles was last seen on April 20th exiting a military armory, riding in a little pink car with a large, mysterious bag attached, as shown in the picture (enlarged for detail).
“There is no need to panic, it’s just a little puppy dog with a knife, nothing to worry about,” informed the DefinitlyReal Animal Control Manager, Layamon Cloturing. “What can such a tiny, little, shrimpy, weak breed like a chihuahua even do to hurt people?” Cloturning was then shot by a bullet. Many assume the bullet that killed Cloturning to have been fired by Mr. Snuggles. This death has led many to start labelling Mr. Snuggles as a serial killer. Authorities are scrambling to catch this tiny fright before he kills anymore, and there is now a nation-wide dog hunt. If anyone sees this menace, inform authorities immediately, and, DON’T APPROACH!!!
Mr. Snuggles was last seen on April 20th exiting a military armory, riding in a little pink car with a large, mysterious bag attached, as shown in the picture (enlarged for detail).
“There is no need to panic, it’s just a little puppy dog with a knife, nothing to worry about,” informed the DefinitlyReal Animal Control Manager, Layamon Cloturing. “What can such a tiny, little, shrimpy, weak breed like a chihuahua even do to hurt people?” Cloturning was then shot by a bullet. Many assume the bullet that killed Cloturning to have been fired by Mr. Snuggles. This death has led many to start labelling Mr. Snuggles as a serial killer. Authorities are scrambling to catch this tiny fright before he kills anymore, and there is now a nation-wide dog hunt. If anyone sees this menace, inform authorities immediately, and, DON’T APPROACH!!!