"On April 21st, pop sensation Justin Bieber publicly confessed his deep, unwavering love for producer Benny Blanco during an exclusive interview with People Magazine. The confession has sent shockwaves through the music industry, the internet, and perhaps most notably, the hearts of millions of Beliebers worldwide." --Ruby Deetz, 8th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
DISCLAIMER!: This is a completely satirical article. None of the quotes or information used in this article is credible. This article is a work of fiction.
On April 21st, pop sensation Justin Bieber publicly confessed his deep, unwavering love for producer Benny Blanco during an exclusive interview with People Magazine. The confession has sent shockwaves through the music industry, the internet, and perhaps most notably, the hearts of millions of Beliebers worldwide.
“I’ve had relationships before,” said Bieber, “But none of them compare to the connection I feel with Benny.” Beiber said he had a few underground productions working with Blanco, “It’s not just the beats, it’s the soul behind the beats. You know what I mean? Like, when he hits the studio, it’s like he’s not just making music—he’s making magic. I’ve never felt that with anyone, not even with my hair stylist.”
Bieber went on to describe their connection as "life-altering" and "cosmic," akin to a "musical soulmate" situation. He claimed that their bond transcends the normal boundaries of producer and artist, and even crosses into the realm of spiritual enlightenment. "He just gets me," Bieber continued, "Like, if my heart were a keyboard, Benny would be the space bar—every time he presses it, everything just... flows.”
The Origin of the Love AffairBieber’s and Blanco’s relationship began, like so many in the 21st century, on Instagram. In 2023, Bieber commented on one of Blanco’s posts, writing, “Your beats are fire, but you’re also fire, man 🔥🔥.” The innocent yet bold comment quickly spiraled into a series of DMs, followed by late-night FaceTime sessions that Bieber says he “couldn’t pull away from.”
“He’s just different, you know?” Bieber confessed. “We talk about everything. Music, life, whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I mean, sure, we make hits together, but it’s also about the small things, like his take on ‘The Bachelor.’ I’ve never met anyone with such a deep understanding of both music and reality TV.”
Benny Blanco Responds with Mixed FeelingsWhile Justin’s feelings are out in the open, Benny Blanco has been a bit more reserved, claiming that while he values their "creative partnership," he needs time to process the weight of Bieber's proclamation. "I mean, I always thought we were close," Blanco said in a text message to People Magazine. "But, uh... this is a lot to digest. He’s like a little brother to me—who also happens to serenade me with love songs on Instagram Live. But yeah, we’ll see where this goes."
Blanco’s hesitance hasn't dampened Bieber’s spirits, who is reportedly already planning a grand gesture to prove his affection. “I’m thinking of releasing an album just about Benny," Bieber teased. “It’s going to be called ‘Benny and Me,’ and each song will be an ode to him, from ‘Benny’s Beats’ to ‘Blanco’s Heart.’ It’ll be, like, my most vulnerable album yet."
Selena Gomez’s Response
With everything that happened between the couple before they broke up, singer and actress selena gomez can’t help but feel like its a purposeful jab at her, “I mean, I spent so much time healing from that relationship and the moment I’m at peace with the man I love all the sudden he wants to marry him or something.” Said Gomez in an interview with Elle Magazine. Gomez made herself clear that she and Blanco still have every intention of getting married.
The Beliebers Reaction
As expected, the Beliebers have had mixed reactions. Some have expressed joy, calling it “the most iconic pairing since peanut butter met jelly,” while others have taken to Twitter to voice their concerns. “Is Benny Blanco taking my place as Justin’s one true love?” one fan tweeted, clearly in distress. “I’ve always supported him, but this feels like a betrayal. #BennyIsCANCELLED.”
Others are simply thrilled by the unexpected romance. “I knew Justin was a lover, but this is next level,” one Belieber wrote. “I’m here for it. This is the love story we deserve.”
The Future of Bieber and Blanco
While it's still unclear what this newfound love means for Bieber’s career—or Benny Blanco's emotional well-being—one thing is certain: the music world will never be the same. Bieber has already begun drafting plans for a “Love Tour,” where he and Blanco will perform a series of intimate acoustic sets, sharing stories of their unique bond with the audience. Blanco has expressed interest in collaborating with him but his only hesitation is the name of the tour. “I love my fiancee very much so it’s something she would have to talk to the both of us about.” Said Blanco. The future of the potential tour is still undecided.
“I’m just so glad to be sharing my heart with the world,” Bieber concluded. “I’ve found my forever, and his name is Benny Blanco. And together, we’re going to make music history… and possibly, world history. So, yeah, I guess you could say Benny’s my number one fan now, but really, he’s my number one love.”
As for Benny, well, he’s still processing. But fans can rest assured that no matter what happens, at least one thing is clear. Justin Bieber will never, ever, get over Benny Blanco—beats or no beats.
DISCLAIMER!: This is a completely satirical article. None of the quotes or information used in this article is credible. This article is a work of fiction.
On April 21st, pop sensation Justin Bieber publicly confessed his deep, unwavering love for producer Benny Blanco during an exclusive interview with People Magazine. The confession has sent shockwaves through the music industry, the internet, and perhaps most notably, the hearts of millions of Beliebers worldwide.
“I’ve had relationships before,” said Bieber, “But none of them compare to the connection I feel with Benny.” Beiber said he had a few underground productions working with Blanco, “It’s not just the beats, it’s the soul behind the beats. You know what I mean? Like, when he hits the studio, it’s like he’s not just making music—he’s making magic. I’ve never felt that with anyone, not even with my hair stylist.”
Bieber went on to describe their connection as "life-altering" and "cosmic," akin to a "musical soulmate" situation. He claimed that their bond transcends the normal boundaries of producer and artist, and even crosses into the realm of spiritual enlightenment. "He just gets me," Bieber continued, "Like, if my heart were a keyboard, Benny would be the space bar—every time he presses it, everything just... flows.”
The Origin of the Love AffairBieber’s and Blanco’s relationship began, like so many in the 21st century, on Instagram. In 2023, Bieber commented on one of Blanco’s posts, writing, “Your beats are fire, but you’re also fire, man 🔥🔥.” The innocent yet bold comment quickly spiraled into a series of DMs, followed by late-night FaceTime sessions that Bieber says he “couldn’t pull away from.”
“He’s just different, you know?” Bieber confessed. “We talk about everything. Music, life, whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I mean, sure, we make hits together, but it’s also about the small things, like his take on ‘The Bachelor.’ I’ve never met anyone with such a deep understanding of both music and reality TV.”
Benny Blanco Responds with Mixed FeelingsWhile Justin’s feelings are out in the open, Benny Blanco has been a bit more reserved, claiming that while he values their "creative partnership," he needs time to process the weight of Bieber's proclamation. "I mean, I always thought we were close," Blanco said in a text message to People Magazine. "But, uh... this is a lot to digest. He’s like a little brother to me—who also happens to serenade me with love songs on Instagram Live. But yeah, we’ll see where this goes."
Blanco’s hesitance hasn't dampened Bieber’s spirits, who is reportedly already planning a grand gesture to prove his affection. “I’m thinking of releasing an album just about Benny," Bieber teased. “It’s going to be called ‘Benny and Me,’ and each song will be an ode to him, from ‘Benny’s Beats’ to ‘Blanco’s Heart.’ It’ll be, like, my most vulnerable album yet."
Selena Gomez’s Response
With everything that happened between the couple before they broke up, singer and actress selena gomez can’t help but feel like its a purposeful jab at her, “I mean, I spent so much time healing from that relationship and the moment I’m at peace with the man I love all the sudden he wants to marry him or something.” Said Gomez in an interview with Elle Magazine. Gomez made herself clear that she and Blanco still have every intention of getting married.
The Beliebers Reaction
As expected, the Beliebers have had mixed reactions. Some have expressed joy, calling it “the most iconic pairing since peanut butter met jelly,” while others have taken to Twitter to voice their concerns. “Is Benny Blanco taking my place as Justin’s one true love?” one fan tweeted, clearly in distress. “I’ve always supported him, but this feels like a betrayal. #BennyIsCANCELLED.”
Others are simply thrilled by the unexpected romance. “I knew Justin was a lover, but this is next level,” one Belieber wrote. “I’m here for it. This is the love story we deserve.”
The Future of Bieber and Blanco
While it's still unclear what this newfound love means for Bieber’s career—or Benny Blanco's emotional well-being—one thing is certain: the music world will never be the same. Bieber has already begun drafting plans for a “Love Tour,” where he and Blanco will perform a series of intimate acoustic sets, sharing stories of their unique bond with the audience. Blanco has expressed interest in collaborating with him but his only hesitation is the name of the tour. “I love my fiancee very much so it’s something she would have to talk to the both of us about.” Said Blanco. The future of the potential tour is still undecided.
“I’m just so glad to be sharing my heart with the world,” Bieber concluded. “I’ve found my forever, and his name is Benny Blanco. And together, we’re going to make music history… and possibly, world history. So, yeah, I guess you could say Benny’s my number one fan now, but really, he’s my number one love.”
As for Benny, well, he’s still processing. But fans can rest assured that no matter what happens, at least one thing is clear. Justin Bieber will never, ever, get over Benny Blanco—beats or no beats.