"in February, the FitBit company released a statement about a prototype for a new watch they were calling the SitBit." --Maia Cavagnolo, 8th grade
The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
April 1st, 2025: The popular fitness watch brand FitBit released a new version of their watch--the SitBit. What is it? How does it work? Are people liking it? This article covers those questions and more.
FitBit, as many people know, is a popular kind of watch that tracks your steps, heart rate, calories burned, and distance traveled. It incentivises people to get outside and walk more. Many people love FitBit, like Lou Natic, a sun-loving vampire and devout FitBit customer. Natic says “[FitBit] is honestly so great. It helps me feel like I’m really getting out into the world and exercising.”
She goes on to say, “With being a vampire and all, it’s hard for me to go out in the sun. That’s why FitBit helps so much!” After that, she disintegrated into a pile of ash.
However, recently, there have been overwhelming complaints about FitBits from customers on platforms like Yelp, Instagram, and Reddit. A comment from sooperdoopr736 says, “i really didnt like the fitbit it kept telling me i wasnt good enough and my heart rate wasnt up enough. Fitbit shouldnt just tell you you are bad for sitting around all the day.”
Similar comments simply kept popping up. According to an article by Noah Lott, “more than 1,000 complaints were sent to the FitBit company in December [of 2024] alone.” So in February, the FitBit company released a statement about a prototype for a new watch they were calling the SitBit.
The original SitBit had the same design as the FitBit: a sleek band around the wrist with a screen displaying the time. However, instead of counting your steps, the SitBit counted how many minutes you sat. Lott describes it as “a couch-potato meter.”
The SitBit idea drew a controversial crowd from the start. Luke Merrishan, the monster that hides in your closet, says that “I was smitten with [the SitBit]. The FitBit made me feel bad; it was always telling me I was doing something wrong.” Penelope Netsil, a time-traveller from the year 85,404, agrees. “I was so excited for the SitBit to come out!”
When the SitBit finally did come out on April 1st, 2025, the Friends Feature was what drew the most people in. The Friends Feature is where you can share your SitBit account with your friends. Your friends can then see your stats—how much you sat that day, your lowest heart rate, and more. “I already knew that the Friends Feature was going to be my favorite part of the whole thing,” says Netsil.
Thousands of SitBit fans have started to host “sit-athons,” which are contests where guests see how long they can out-sit each other. “It’s a big lazy-party,” Lott says. “I’ve already held two sit-athons with my monster buddies,” says Merrishan, “and they were super successful!” However, both Merrishan and Netsil—who has held numerous sit-athons—have a big complaint.
“What I didn’t know was that if your cholesterol got to life-threatening levels, the SitBit would automatically call an ambulance,” Netsil complains. Merrishan adds “it was a real vibe killer.” According to an article by Ann Chovey, “SitBit purposefully did not publicize [this information] because they feared it would drive sales down.”
But the loud siren wails interrupting peoples’ sit-athons have already made sales drop. It makes people wonder if the SitBit is sustainable. Ashley Welsh, one of the designers of the SitBit and resident axe murderer, says, “The people are going to take the SitBit and do whatever with it. Some might hate it, others love it, but it’s really all up to the people.”
April 1st, 2025: The popular fitness watch brand FitBit released a new version of their watch--the SitBit. What is it? How does it work? Are people liking it? This article covers those questions and more.
FitBit, as many people know, is a popular kind of watch that tracks your steps, heart rate, calories burned, and distance traveled. It incentivises people to get outside and walk more. Many people love FitBit, like Lou Natic, a sun-loving vampire and devout FitBit customer. Natic says “[FitBit] is honestly so great. It helps me feel like I’m really getting out into the world and exercising.”
She goes on to say, “With being a vampire and all, it’s hard for me to go out in the sun. That’s why FitBit helps so much!” After that, she disintegrated into a pile of ash.
However, recently, there have been overwhelming complaints about FitBits from customers on platforms like Yelp, Instagram, and Reddit. A comment from sooperdoopr736 says, “i really didnt like the fitbit it kept telling me i wasnt good enough and my heart rate wasnt up enough. Fitbit shouldnt just tell you you are bad for sitting around all the day.”
Similar comments simply kept popping up. According to an article by Noah Lott, “more than 1,000 complaints were sent to the FitBit company in December [of 2024] alone.” So in February, the FitBit company released a statement about a prototype for a new watch they were calling the SitBit.
The original SitBit had the same design as the FitBit: a sleek band around the wrist with a screen displaying the time. However, instead of counting your steps, the SitBit counted how many minutes you sat. Lott describes it as “a couch-potato meter.”
The SitBit idea drew a controversial crowd from the start. Luke Merrishan, the monster that hides in your closet, says that “I was smitten with [the SitBit]. The FitBit made me feel bad; it was always telling me I was doing something wrong.” Penelope Netsil, a time-traveller from the year 85,404, agrees. “I was so excited for the SitBit to come out!”
When the SitBit finally did come out on April 1st, 2025, the Friends Feature was what drew the most people in. The Friends Feature is where you can share your SitBit account with your friends. Your friends can then see your stats—how much you sat that day, your lowest heart rate, and more. “I already knew that the Friends Feature was going to be my favorite part of the whole thing,” says Netsil.
Thousands of SitBit fans have started to host “sit-athons,” which are contests where guests see how long they can out-sit each other. “It’s a big lazy-party,” Lott says. “I’ve already held two sit-athons with my monster buddies,” says Merrishan, “and they were super successful!” However, both Merrishan and Netsil—who has held numerous sit-athons—have a big complaint.
“What I didn’t know was that if your cholesterol got to life-threatening levels, the SitBit would automatically call an ambulance,” Netsil complains. Merrishan adds “it was a real vibe killer.” According to an article by Ann Chovey, “SitBit purposefully did not publicize [this information] because they feared it would drive sales down.”
But the loud siren wails interrupting peoples’ sit-athons have already made sales drop. It makes people wonder if the SitBit is sustainable. Ashley Welsh, one of the designers of the SitBit and resident axe murderer, says, “The people are going to take the SitBit and do whatever with it. Some might hate it, others love it, but it’s really all up to the people.”