"On Easter, Alternative Popstar Lana Del Rey announced on the social media platform Instagram to her millions of followers, “So grateful to be able to welcome little Cigarette Blue Eyeshadow Rose Grant, into the family and the world.” -- CeCE Burger, 7th grade
Cigarette in toddler's Barbie Car The following article is a special May investigation by the OSA Shallot staff, aiming to bring you the very best of the campus' fake news.
On Easter, Alternative Popstar Lana Del Rey announced on the social media platform Instagram to her millions of followers, “So grateful to be able to welcome little Cigarette Blue Eyeshadow Rose Grant, into the family and the world.” Showing a picture of the armored reptile in children’s clothes sat on in one of those mini barbie cars that make alot of noise.
A wave of shock to Lanatics
(Del Rey’s fanbase name) all over the world. Then, people outside of the music artist’s fan group started commenting on the fact that this baby was a reptile.
It was a war zone in the comment section. One example of a “worried” hater – cough, I mean person –is a comment by @number_1_melanie_fan that reads,“ Really has she gone mad? Married and adopting a literal reptile in less than a year, (not to mention the name) please someone get a wellness check before she goes beyond return.”
Another more genuine comment by @I_lovewomen! says, “Lana, please come home the kids miss you.”
Fans (and haters) weren’t the only ones eager to hop on this case. World famous Telegraph article writer/ billionaire, CeCe Burger, (I mean truly amazing lady, she’s ethereal really) interviewed the icon.
When asked how she came about adopting the creature, Lana responded, “We found her on the bank, not too far from the swap’s edge. I was on a late night boat ride with Jeremy and looked at the little angel and knew that this was god calling me to bring her home, y’know? She was all alone, no mother in sight.”
Cigarette spotted on stage with mother, Lana Del Rey Del Rey continues, “And as soon as I scooped her up in my arms this unbreakable bond started. I could see it in her eyes. She was just like me. I thought to myself, “Well, Lana, I don’t think this is a pet anymore. This is your daughter”.
Burger notes that the motherly love for the animal is “beautifully odd,” as it sat on her lap the whole interview. The alligator has also been spotted on stage with her, as the star tours the UK.
Del Rey pet the alligator commenting, “I mean, I really do love little Cigarette, the sweetest thing, never bites. I’ve actually been writing a few songs about her.”
We’ve heard the Queen's opinion, but what about her husband?
Del Rey was just married in September last year, to boat tour guide, Jeremy Dufrene. During the interview Jeremy seemed more than content with his new life, as a father and husband. “Anything that makes her (Lana) happy, plus I'm a father now I guess. ”
Burger notes that the motherly love for the animal is “beautifully odd,” as it sat on her lap the whole interview. The alligator has also been spotted on stage with her, as the star tours the UK.
Del Rey pet the alligator commenting, “I mean, I really do love little Cigarette, the sweetest thing, never bites. I’ve actually been writing a few songs about her.”
We’ve heard the Queen's opinion, but what about her husband?
Del Rey was just married in September last year, to boat tour guide, Jeremy Dufrene. During the interview Jeremy seemed more than content with his new life, as a father and husband. “Anything that makes her (Lana) happy, plus I'm a father now I guess. ”
Cigarette being silly in her room Dufrene , watched his daughter chew on a shoe, commenting, “I mean I like Cigarette. She doesn’t do much, but maybe that’s a good thing?” Jeremy shrugged.
Now that we’ve confirmed that Lana has, in fact, adopted a real, breathing alligator, what’s with her name?
“I brought her home and while she was sitting in the bath I started brainstorming ideas for her. Me and Jeremy had gotten tired of just calling her ‘Alligator,’ plus it seemed like we were belittling her. Like, how would you feel if someone just called you, ‘human?’ Initially I thought to name her Allie, but it was just too mundane. If she’s my daughter she needs to have a fitting name.” Del Rey stopped talking and watched her daughter gnaw on Burger’s leg.
“So,” Del Rey continued, “I thought, ‘Oh that’s it, she needs to be just like me.’ I thought of everything I love and just projected it into the masterpiece that is Cigarette.”
Now that we’ve confirmed that Lana has, in fact, adopted a real, breathing alligator, what’s with her name?
“I brought her home and while she was sitting in the bath I started brainstorming ideas for her. Me and Jeremy had gotten tired of just calling her ‘Alligator,’ plus it seemed like we were belittling her. Like, how would you feel if someone just called you, ‘human?’ Initially I thought to name her Allie, but it was just too mundane. If she’s my daughter she needs to have a fitting name.” Del Rey stopped talking and watched her daughter gnaw on Burger’s leg.
“So,” Del Rey continued, “I thought, ‘Oh that’s it, she needs to be just like me.’ I thought of everything I love and just projected it into the masterpiece that is Cigarette.”
Eilish holding Cigarette The reason your niece came out as lesbian at Thanksgiving and NINE TIME GRAMMY WINNER, Billie Eilish, has commented on Del Rey’s new bundle of joy after Del Rey posted on Instagram with Cigarette.
“That’s cool,” Eilish responded to the post, which garnered 12,000 likes. Eilish has always described Del Rey as “The Voice of Our Generation,” explaining how her Born to Die album changed the industry for so many young women. Eilish also commented how Del Rey was her first iPhone home lock screen.
Pictures of Eilish have recently surfaced of her holding Cigarette, surprisingly not sparking any controversy. The reason why? Well I mean she's Billie Eilish!
From the screen to the stage our queen, icon, leader, Lana Del Rey, will always have a majestic alluring aura about her. And I’m sure she will pass that on to Little Cigarette.
“That’s cool,” Eilish responded to the post, which garnered 12,000 likes. Eilish has always described Del Rey as “The Voice of Our Generation,” explaining how her Born to Die album changed the industry for so many young women. Eilish also commented how Del Rey was her first iPhone home lock screen.
Pictures of Eilish have recently surfaced of her holding Cigarette, surprisingly not sparking any controversy. The reason why? Well I mean she's Billie Eilish!
From the screen to the stage our queen, icon, leader, Lana Del Rey, will always have a majestic alluring aura about her. And I’m sure she will pass that on to Little Cigarette.
CeCe Burger and Lana Del Rey wedding when?